tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-72988413990709382082024-03-13T19:46:54.352-07:00Staying Strong in a Busy WorldAngela Wileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09422725050681954039noreply@blogger.comBlogger21125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7298841399070938208.post-68512885824653510792010-11-01T18:45:00.000-07:002010-11-01T19:13:09.464-07:00What about Mom?<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigBdK403Ub5Yc4amAjh5jVlBjLqJF4a9hUww8RB-3DrxqhH9q17fPMlrCW-T_qSE01EmVnQ7FSnbX4UzQ3w7nj31a15qiZJ6dRrct2PC3UIIwxZd8-EM0FrbOMPIIyzDAG5tmenQKb5I53/s1600/elderly,+vulnerable_278613.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 213px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigBdK403Ub5Yc4amAjh5jVlBjLqJF4a9hUww8RB-3DrxqhH9q17fPMlrCW-T_qSE01EmVnQ7FSnbX4UzQ3w7nj31a15qiZJ6dRrct2PC3UIIwxZd8-EM0FrbOMPIIyzDAG5tmenQKb5I53/s320/elderly,+vulnerable_278613.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5534763465865715042" /></a><br />In the piece below, Billy Malanga writes about his experience of managing an adult child-aging mother relationship. He acknowledges how the complicated present is composed of layers of past experiences as well as present expectations and even disappointments. <br /><br /><em>It has been said that our inner consciousness is cognizant of its own will. [Schopenhauer]. But that will does not arise in a vacuum. It is born in our earliest communions. These relationships lay a foundation for the adults we will become. Yet, as good as our first relationships may be, separation is inevitable. And this is not without a high cost. Our own mothers walk ahead of us, walk too fast, and forget us from time to time. They have lives to lead, right? The only mystery is that we expect it to be different. [Marilynne Robinson]. <br /><br />Essentially, we begin our lives with a loss according to Judith Viorst, the loss of the warmth and comfort and protection of the womb. Once outside their bodies, our mothers still interposes themselves between us and the surrounding world. In this early vulnerable period, there will be no greater need than that of our mother.<br /><br />Given this early connection, why do I feel a void, a dark ocean swirling with the waves in the present? Don't misunderstand me, I know my mother, feel her love and appreciate the imposition of her structural order [i.e., she excels as Suzy homemaker] however; there is a disconnect, a lack of understanding, and very little communion. Why? I have asked myself this question on numerous occasions. <br /><br />In spite of questions, time continues to pass us by, moving, like a car passing on the highway, the orange glow of taillights slowly disappearing in the dark. When I was an infant, my mother would rub my sweaty forehead at night when I had a fever or bad cold. It was sweet, loving. Those times are long gone, those feelings are numb. George Santayana once said, "Waking life is a dream controlled." The dream is jumbled now, the memories dim and faltering.<br /><br />Do we always grow out of this attachment and let go? We gain wisdom and experience that can help us understand and accept the different chapters of our life, each with their imperfections. Sigmund Freud wrote of the Oedipus complex as a universal and inborn struggle. I remember looking at my mother when I was a boy but any feelings of jealousy or internal drama have been long repressed. No one was in the way, so I did not have to compete for her attention in that way, but it was always at a distance. She was attentive to her motherly duties but never really accessible for deep emotional connection. This may explain to a certain extent the distance we experience to date. I suspect that the loss I experienced was not the normative loss Judith Viorst explained but a deeper chasm. <br /><br />In his novel Pincher Martin, William Golding writes "Eternity, inseparable from pain was there to be examined and experienced.” The pain of this loss is there, it is part of my day, but I must keep moving, breathing, loving, and working. It is there, rearing its head when things are quiet. I see others close to their mothers, and I wonder what it would be like to experience that kind of connection, without the mask. <br /><br />But in the reality of the present, I accept the nothingness that stares at me. I do not know the answer yet- perhaps I never will. As I peer inward now and then, pictures of my mother materialize as though shrouded in mist. This is part of life. Time continues to pass us by; that car has moved on down this highway … orange taillights strangely comforting.</em><br /><br />Malanga struggles with a topic familiar to most adults, from those just making their way into adult independence to middle-aged boomers fully engaged in their parents’ transition to dependence. In a 2009 article in the journal Psychology of Aging, researchers Birditt, Miller, Fingerman, and Lefkowitz report that tensions between adult-children and their parents are common. They also replicate past work that has noted adult- children often report higher tensions with mothers compared to fathers. Other research has reported closer relationships between mothers and their adult children, leading to more contact and the possibility of more tension and conflict. Clearly, Malanga is not alone as he makes sense of the past and moves into the future. <br /><br />The relationship between his mother and him may not be all that he wants, but Malanga’s acceptance of ambivalence is one that portends continued exploration and growth.<br /><br />This entry submitted by guest blogger,Billy Malanga with commentary by Angela WileyAngela Wileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09422725050681954039noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7298841399070938208.post-50862485179960765712010-10-25T17:34:00.000-07:002010-10-25T17:48:19.715-07:00Pain<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQc5yhQpRw_5Bc7iruASyzgwMWuviJ6JRnncvR6zfRHkGTd7hzVDxvVcMbefLqwfOeg8Ng1jnHBzUkMVnWnbHGnwgR2IqMKJp0nMT7UcvJO7n4sSIZCNW3xiAdlWEcUlhvi7su9kcsu_L4/s1600/old+roller+coaster+at+camden.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQc5yhQpRw_5Bc7iruASyzgwMWuviJ6JRnncvR6zfRHkGTd7hzVDxvVcMbefLqwfOeg8Ng1jnHBzUkMVnWnbHGnwgR2IqMKJp0nMT7UcvJO7n4sSIZCNW3xiAdlWEcUlhvi7su9kcsu_L4/s320/old+roller+coaster+at+camden.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5532148026722673106" /></a><br />I have been thinking about pain. Maybe I’ve been thinking about it because I have been experiencing it. For at least two months, I have had a deep persistent burning ache in my left shoulder. I can’t sleep on my left side. When walking my 8 pound dog, I now only use the right arm to hold the leash. (In my defense, she is quite a handful.)<br /><br />A tear? I doubt it. <br /><br />Tendinitis or bursitis? Maybe. <br /><br />A tweaked nerve? Who knows.<br /><br />Simple rotting of middle-aged tissues? This strikes me as a distinct possibility.<br /><br />Over the last twenty years of committed physical activity, a number of minor inconveniences have peppered my day-to-day. Sesamoiditis in my foot. Some floaties in my knee, apparently leftover from my exploits in the womb, which required a little scoping. The garden variety of pulls and strains. Most have cleared up on their own. <br /><br /><br />As I recently considered making an appointment with my doctor, I came upon Ron Siegel’s chapter (in The Mindfulness Solution) entitled “Beyond Managing Symptoms: Transforming Pain and Stress-Related Medical Problems.” His major point is that pain has at least two components: the physical and the mental/emotional. The two are tightly entwined. I KNEW this… but reading it in the midst of my personal experience made it more real. <br /><br />Sometimes, Siegel says, pain begins as a physical insult to the body. In many cases, a second insult is to the mind as the injured begins to overlay the physical experience with some gymnastics inside the mind (such as interpretation and fear and dread). This, then, feeds back into the body, contributing to tension and tightening and protecting. A cycle begins that can extend the reach of the original injury.<br /><br />This resonated with me. I walked by a large glass window the other day and secretly surveyed myself. (You know you do it, too). I was struck by how my left should appeared hunched up, almost to my ear. I tried to relax it but when this failed, I realized that I needed to use my right hand to push my shoulder down. This, of course, hurt. Immediately, I felt fear sidle up, like an old rival (I thought "how long will this continue?" "will it last forever?" "am I doomed?"). As I wallowed in the fear, my shoulder began creeping its way back toward my ear lobe.<br /><br />Siegel notes that many people begin to favor their painful part, using it less and less until it begins to atrophy. The physical pain and the psychological pain meld together into one conglomeration that is no longer subject to rationality. He argues that healing often involves pushing through pain (once given the doctor’s all clear) to regain physical mobility and circulation. Healing requires some discomfort.<br /><br />I can’t help but draw a parallel to other areas of my life. Soft, painful parts, not in my body but in my psyche. Parts that I hide and built thick walls to protect from discomfort. I am not sure how my shoulder nor my tender emotional parts are going to react to some tough love. But something has to change.Angela Wileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09422725050681954039noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7298841399070938208.post-84098191637624467952010-10-17T06:55:00.000-07:002010-10-17T14:20:00.691-07:00Intentional MindfulnessIntentional mindfulness. <br /><br />Repetitive? Maybe, but given my tendency to veer off any path into the distraction offered by underbrush, the notion bears repeating. I have found myself so far in the thicket at times that I have met Goldilocks, coming and going. I am studying mindfulness as a way to ground myself more in the present moment and address the anxiety that has plagued me in all of my memory.<br /> <br />In his book “The Mindfulness Solution: Everyday Practices for Everyday Problems," Dr. Ronald Siegel explores a definition of "mindfulness." Drawing on ancient Buddhist teachings as well as more contemporary thought, he lays out the pillars of mindfulness. Each of these has personal meaning for me.<br /> <br /><strong>Awareness: </strong> Much of what happens around me is out of my sphere of consciousness. The wind moving the leaves outside my window does not exist for me until I bring it into awareness. <br /><br /><strong>Attention:</strong> Once I am aware of the wind, I may attend to it, drawing it into my senses… watching it with my eyes, smelling it as I open the window, feeling it brush across my skin. I must focus my attention on the “now.”<br /><br /><strong>Remembering:</strong> As part of mindfulness, “remembering” involves gently bringing the awareness and attention back to the present moment. As I watch the leaves dance in the wind, my mind is likely to wander as I notice the itch on my knee, then realize that I need to shave my legs, then find myself distracted by my need to clean the bathroom… wind and tree long forgotten.<br /><br /><strong>Acceptance/non-judgment: </strong>Siegel reminds me that an attitude of acceptance toward my experiences contributes to wellness and harmony. He believes that acceptance is the heart of mindfulness. In my example, when I am experiencing the wind in the present moment and my knee begins to itch, I can scratch it gently then return to the moment. I can acknowledge the thought that I need to shave my legs then let it go. Without criticizing myself for my inexcusable lapse of hygiene.<br /><br />My example is trivial, of course. That said, I have a budding awareness of my unawareness, and it is vast. (I attempt to type that in the least judgmental way possible.) I spend the majority of my time skating from one experience to another with very little attention to anything in the present moment for more than a millisecond. And I am the Queen of Criticism. Self-acceptance is a foreign language to me, probably one of those with tonal nuances or mysterious clicks.<br /><br />In reading Siegel’s book, along with Jon Kabat-Zinn’s “Wherever You Go, There You Are,” I am struck by their discussion of mindfulness practice. I am a little relieved, too, since practice might mean that perfection is not expected. I am coming to believe that I must intentionally cultivate mindfulness. <br /><br />I am still learning. I am exploring meditation, journaling, and relevant reading. I have integrated yoga into my typically more self-punishing forms of exercise. While still evolving, I have a feeling that I am on to something here. The next time I find myself in one of my briar patches (metaphorically or on my legs), I hope to be a little more mindful.Angela Wileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09422725050681954039noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7298841399070938208.post-61020447176391121272009-04-01T08:15:00.000-07:002009-04-01T09:12:03.577-07:00<div><div><div><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuzOeC6NPMQ5eJZs6SbjwlHSUL3BfN7xsTUthQ7GcNQFuElqbaaX6rEhBT5hLWzg0qGhBrHsU4cOnT5W6tv5KopqOtbPchAX-7L_GoJKybAFdD-2rgDKRESBmGU6TnSMCohx2HnqXcBQHo/s1600-h/child+hugging+mom.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5319750581596584706" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 227px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 145px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuzOeC6NPMQ5eJZs6SbjwlHSUL3BfN7xsTUthQ7GcNQFuElqbaaX6rEhBT5hLWzg0qGhBrHsU4cOnT5W6tv5KopqOtbPchAX-7L_GoJKybAFdD-2rgDKRESBmGU6TnSMCohx2HnqXcBQHo/s320/child+hugging+mom.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div><strong>Reflections from an Adopted Adult<br /></strong><br /><br /><em>While it’s likely that as long as man, woman and child have walked this earth there has been some form of adoption taking place. Children separated from their parents usually found themselves with adults who wanted them for love, labor, or property. Adoption, as we know it today, frequently a means to deal with infertility, is a fairly modern phenomena. When we look at today’s adoption triad – birth parents, child and adoptive parents, we find they all have in common “a sense of loss.” The birth parents’ and child’s loss of each other is obvious, but often overlooked, or at least less talked about, is the loss adoptive parents experience through their infertility. Resolution is not quick, nor easy.<br /><br />Adoption is not merely an “event” that takes place in the life of a person, or family, but rather a “process” that evolves throughout the life span. Being adopted means something very different to a four-year-old child, adopted at birth and never having resided with her birth parents, than it does to the same child, twelve years later when she’s trying to figure out, as all adolescents do, “Who am I? Where did those ‘ears’ come from? Who do I look like? Why didn’t they keep me?” Into adulthood – dating, marrying, parenting, other questions may arise. Society, in the form of friends, spouses, in-laws, Oprah, Reader’s Digest and a plethora of other sources tell us we should be curious, we should look for answers. Well meaning friends have dramatic stories to share about their cousin’s wife’s neighbor who . . .<br /><br />Like most important decisions in life, timing and readiness are crucial. For some, they can’t recall a day they haven’t thought about seeking out their past, others may be startled by a revelation that comes from out of the blue, “I’m going to do it,” and yet many feel no desire to dig in their past.<br /><br />Following is an essay written by Don Conklin who shares his thoughts on the topic of having grown up in foster care and then being adopted.<br /><br /></em><br /><br /><br />My reflections as an adopted adult . . .<br /><br />A recent post concerning my adoption prompted Angela to ask me if I would elaborate on my experience with foster care and adoption. This is a relatively easy task since this has been an internal monologue of mine for some years. I often receive questions regarding adoption and people inevitably ask, “Did you ever think you wanted to look up your biological parents?” Or the question is asked in a more awkward and inaccurate way by using the words, “real parents.” Angela did not ask this question at all, which I found very refreshing, and so I agreed.<br /><br />I would like to begin by making a clear distinction between biological parents and adopted parents. Often the most significant distinction between the two is that of a conscious choice. Adoption is the ultimate expression of Planned Parenthood. You don’t need a license to be a biological parent but you do need to go through several visitations, background screening and several interviews if you want to be an adopted parent. This of course is not to speak poorly of biological parents. After all I am now a biological parent, and although I have made my share of mistakes, I feel more than prepared for the tasks at hand.<br /><br />I should also mention that I was one of four siblings put up for adoption at the same time. This indicates to me that something happened that was unexpected. Could have been spouse abandonment, poverty or any other form of domestic crisis that initiated the decision to make us wards of the state. I have never faulted my biological mother’s decision to put us up for adoption. I believe she acted in our best interest and it was a tremendously unselfish thing to do. I am not sure I could make such a tremendously heroic decision, if placed in the same position.<br /><br />I should also point out that there are different types of foster parents. There are those who feel lead to be foster parents out of gratitude for what they have and they want to share their </div><br /><div></div><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5319752060546022322" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 222px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 148px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYp6kf9mc4NBVXEzdC3HKdn2EZ0x9yHjtzJnI-aEP4SQuVmMKYYtomzXZuK0EjG3-IudvPUDQMO5Rnj-3wql-cDbEOlnOUHF6bJEwgIx3A0tw-uti93R_8Fu_TZvzISLBL85F2R49rutUx/s320/house+with+family.gif" border="0" />family with someone who needs one. Then there are those who do it as a source of income with little consideration, effort or accountability. My sister and I had the second type. They were not deliberately cruel, from what I can remember, and have been told. If anything, they were just neglectful and inconsiderate. We stayed with this family for four years which as I am told is a long time for foster care. Perhaps we were low maintenance and a good source of income. Neither my sister nor I thrived from the care provided by our foster parents. My sister had to repeat kindergarten due to absences. Our foster mother would keep my sister home to clean up around the house. A notable curiosity was that I was thought to have a speech impediment and was sent to a speech therapist after we were adopted. It was discovered that my language skills were learned from listening to my foster father who did have a speech impediment. This was quickly outgrown after my adoption.<br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgz-HI_UJ4BUtQn-GPtLgD08RSRYWYxtLbv6DUNqNPXbDZ9lkaWjys6EKfC2pvXo0iiEgXmUBNvsYlMudArjdUCwiX6iY_kBeL0kFmImQDPqMZmQsD_xzBuYGj76GvPYqolPa3evAB7zsBk/s1600-h/child+eating+bread.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5319751646778337474" style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 144px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 180px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgz-HI_UJ4BUtQn-GPtLgD08RSRYWYxtLbv6DUNqNPXbDZ9lkaWjys6EKfC2pvXo0iiEgXmUBNvsYlMudArjdUCwiX6iY_kBeL0kFmImQDPqMZmQsD_xzBuYGj76GvPYqolPa3evAB7zsBk/s320/child+eating+bread.gif" border="0" /></a><br />One of the stories my adopted mother tells is that of when we first came to live with them we would eat continuously at breakfast. We would each finish four and five bowls of oats cereal. Our new Mother explained, “You can eat more at lunch time,” to which my sister replied, “You mean we will eat again today?” Both of us had the distended bellies of malnutrition seen in third world countries. It wasn’t due to lack of food but rather from poor nutrition, so we were told.<br /><br /><br />There was a caveat about our adoption that caused me some concern for a number of years. I discovered that my adopted parents had originally wanted only a daughter but changed there their mind after a call from Catholic Charities adoption agency. Sister Margaret (I can’t believe I still remember the name) informed them that they would have to take us both or neither. Apparently in the absence of my sister (who was on overnight visitations with our prospective parents) I had some terrible tantrums, nightmares and bed wetting. My foster parents contacted the agency and reported the behavior and said it was either both or neither. Was this an act of compassion on behalf of our foster parents or was it a desire to have peace and quiet again? I tend to think it was a bit of both.<br /><br />We did not discover that we had another brother and sister until several years later. My father knew we had a brother and sister somewhere in Ohio and he even knew their last name. This he apparently learned from the lawyer during our adoption process. Dad received a promotion and a consequent transfer to this same town in Ohio, when I was around the age of six, I believe. He stopped at a phone booth and looked up the last name that he had learned from the lawyer. As fate would have it there were only two names listed in the phone book that matched. He called and after a few awkward moments requested that we get together some time. It was agreed and we met our brother and sister soon after.<br /><br />Our correspondence over the years has been off and on again which I can only assume is true for most brothers and sisters. Each one of us has had to deal with our own demons over the years. Some of my issues provide substantial questions regarding the debate of environment vs. heredity. Are personality traits learned behavior (environment) or are they due to heredity? This is like wondering how the pig got stuck in the mud. It doesn’t matter how it got stuck in the mud you just got to get the darn thing out.<br /><br />I use to be fond of saying that I came from a dysfunctional family but one day I realized that I was the dysfunction in my family. I learned new phrases such as, “fear of abandonment,” “emotionally unavailable,” “blocking,” and many other words and phrases trying to understand my adult relationship challenges. All of this information I learned about me I documented and shared with a trusted friend. The solution to these issues could be represented with the analogy of the man standing in water up to his shoulders holding a rock as he watches in panic as the water rises. He says, “I am drowning.” The obvious solution is, “Let go of the rock!” Sounds easy enough but when you have held onto something for a long time, even though it is harmful to you, it can be difficult to let go of it. It has become a part of you for better, or for worse.<br /><div></div><br /><div>Just realizing that the issues exist was a huge benefit to me. These challenges have not all disappeared but are instead things that I am aware of about myself and when I see them surface I know what they are and how to respond. Some negative responses have disappeared completely, because they were defense mechanisms. They are no longer needed since I no longer put myself in positions where I feel I need to defend myself.<br /><br />The hope in all of this is that sometimes great things come from bad situations. If not for these experiences I would have never have been placed with my, "real parents." Best wishes as we all trudge the road of happy destiny. </div></div></div></div></div><br /><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5319752758781224690" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 207px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 127px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibbutD2bcY8JJpukBEZ54X48naws9caMlD2SdUkeE47gBVvXjTDG6d3MdnZxqn7hi0gaHy8v7bIYecdeo5VFLCyvFDn5MRf7HcgNFjX7c1FQ6Hm4xGMNUdPVIkoYvBO9DBehTOtVVEQIYq/s320/boy,+Dad+tire+swing.gif" border="0" /><br /><br />This entry submitted by guest blogger, Don Conklin.Angela Wileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09422725050681954039noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7298841399070938208.post-65618897167304773952009-03-19T08:15:00.000-07:002009-03-19T09:12:22.645-07:00Wellness Stimulus Package<div><br /><div></div><br /><div>We all have co-workers who show up regularly but who demonstrate less than predictable productivity. Have you ever felt like knocking on their head, peering into their ear, and asking "Is there anyo<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkmvGFqjDV5jU8YN8-82D4Me40bvddIznwsVkfNRF0x1j0226u2iSV47OoVUTiO9-1oYAjus5UQHvRlx0bTc_aDcdVA8iUn5wqsKMr6VaZrZALprIGrfj4IvBCo9mqr4O0fJQTs6mnY1R8/s1600-h/park+and+pond.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5314926359627909490" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 254px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 174px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkmvGFqjDV5jU8YN8-82D4Me40bvddIznwsVkfNRF0x1j0226u2iSV47OoVUTiO9-1oYAjus5UQHvRlx0bTc_aDcdVA8iUn5wqsKMr6VaZrZALprIGrfj4IvBCo9mqr4O0fJQTs6mnY1R8/s320/park+and+pond.gif" border="0" /></a>ne home in there?" Maybe they need a "Wellness Stimulus Package." When things are stressful outside of work, attention and energy can be compromised at work and at home. Let's face it, in these uncertain economic times, who isn't stressed?If you are working: Be sure to take time to take care of yourself. Worry can take a toll on your physical and emotional health. Invest some time in doing things that renew you and don't drain your bank account. How about a walk? A visit to the library to borrow a book, a DVD, or some music? If you've lost your job: There are many others in your shoes. Reach out for support. Stay in touch with people who inspire you and bring you up. And remember to stay healthy in body and mind as you look for new work. If you are an employer or supervise others: It is crucial to pay attention to the wellness of your employees at times like these. Anxiety about job or financial stability or problems at home can seriously compromise your work force and your bottom line. Make sure those who make your business work know that you are invested in their well being, at work and beyond. Intentional Harmony and its partners are committ<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmgfh5jJ0A6B8zfPgknF0qQXqduG2LhrL339WQt46wwd4Q6OIaX2fNkBJu-ybL0_qGSzJfICgAgJ6GLqd9MBSWxAug3ldoJq9jCZ6bILC9YW6xTJIlZLJUg5N5B0fI-SYDvNZIfQAQETFn/s1600-h/open+hands.bmp"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5314931178073041730" style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 200px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 200px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmgfh5jJ0A6B8zfPgknF0qQXqduG2LhrL339WQt46wwd4Q6OIaX2fNkBJu-ybL0_qGSzJfICgAgJ6GLqd9MBSWxAug3ldoJq9jCZ6bILC9YW6xTJIlZLJUg5N5B0fI-SYDvNZIfQAQETFn/s320/open+hands.bmp" border="0" /></a>ed to the well-being of working people. We provide support in the workplace or self-study options. Contact us for tailored, affordable, and proven solutions to work-life management challenges. Our "Wellness Stimulus Package" really works!<br /><a title="blocked::http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=" href="http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=76616&op=1&view=all&subj=51804173245&aid=-1&oid=51804173245&id=1341002101" oid="51804173245&id=" subj="51804173245&aid=" op="1&view="></a><br />Wellness must be protected especially when the economic environment is uncertain. </div><br /><br /><br /><br /><div></div>This entry submitted by Angela Wiley. </div>Angela Wileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09422725050681954039noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7298841399070938208.post-91552341410953128352008-12-05T07:38:00.000-08:002008-12-05T08:15:13.121-08:00A Mental Diet<div><br /><br /><div><br /><div>I like to listen to the radio while working. My favorite station is “streamed” from out of state because it’s in the same city where our two sons live. It’s a great way of staying c<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDCtUkmrMZnfsWTdOcwRhZItD7YvhX0GcRsyXqe46xgdK3q7OqSXjnY8nBhz3c5kHyhLROf9gUlK27X_ExmvvzhAg93wnc_ikgaRYJBbXG2yYvkP_3Fz-awrY5UDlXzJNQ9-REkAOfnssl/s1600-h/eating+strawberry.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5276335797169697810" style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 192px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 230px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDCtUkmrMZnfsWTdOcwRhZItD7YvhX0GcRsyXqe46xgdK3q7OqSXjnY8nBhz3c5kHyhLROf9gUlK27X_ExmvvzhAg93wnc_ikgaRYJBbXG2yYvkP_3Fz-awrY5UDlXzJNQ9-REkAOfnssl/s320/eating+strawberry.gif" border="0" /></a>onnected with them and their environs. I hear about their weather, their traffic tie ups, and listen to what they’re listening to. I just heard the morning host make the following comment, “We not only are, what we eat, but also what we think.” What a simple statement, but certainly one to make us pause. Living in our “diet conscious culture,” a day doesn’t go by that we’re not reminded of what and how to eat, but seldom do I hear about our mind’s diet.<br /><br />What we eat enters our body through our mouth, but think of all the other influences, the external stimulants in our world that we see, hear, feel and touch. How do they affect, inspire, influence us, and who we are?<br /><br />S<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKhBiUsDeNzbGeQ0Z0ScbKq1FbeGDwIHWRussmkEB_s3j839iK9yGzrf42ygkX4lq_XoTOISm8cz8BHyvP1nG5OKo2_NI9piYUm8fGM27Xa0f1swFuUK33uPHb26EorG2AP0mA2XqW5cEo/s1600-h/man+yelling.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5276338914681257186" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 168px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 161px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKhBiUsDeNzbGeQ0Z0ScbKq1FbeGDwIHWRussmkEB_s3j839iK9yGzrf42ygkX4lq_XoTOISm8cz8BHyvP1nG5OKo2_NI9piYUm8fGM27Xa0f1swFuUK33uPHb26EorG2AP0mA2XqW5cEo/s320/man+yelling.gif" border="0" /></a>o what are some of these influences? Well, lots. How about what we read, <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg892A79iogb_z-uj_kaerYynjzsPxE3ELTJMA7BIZNa1UMey68KdcxA_qDEP4Fd_e53JF8zgVhjbM0duIe5Sp2Vloip1s105oslktmlA2aEYq3kbMgD7dgAdDwNeXDWKZ0KmTzLC5d2sb7/s1600-h/music+note.gif"></a>what we listen to -- be it music, news, TV, talk radio, our colleagues, friends, family, neighbors. And how about ourselves? How often do we truly listen to our own thoughts, our own body?<br /><br />Years ago, in my early 20’s, along with a few friends I signed up for a yoga class. Following the stretches and postures we would close each class with meditation. Self-consciously my friends and I sat in the circle and silently went through the actions but not truly getting into the spirit of meditation. Older and wiser, I’m now ready to consider giving it another try.<br /><br />Based on the following article, <a href="http://abcnews.go.com/Technology/DyeHard/story?id=1402881">http://abcnews.go.com/Technology/DyeHard/story?id=1402881</a><br />evidence from an impressive group of researchers from some of the leading institutions in the world have found that a serious effort at meditation can physically change the brain, leading to reduced stress, better mental focus, and possibly fewer effects from aging.<br /><br />"One of the most important domains meditation acts upon is emotional intelligence — a set of skills far more consequential for life success than cognitive intelligence," says Richard Davidson, director of the Laboratory for Affective Neuroscience at the University of Wisconsin.Davidson. <a href="http://psyphz.psych.wisc.edu/web/News/Time_Jan06.html">http://psyphz.psych.wisc.edu/web/News/Time_Jan06.html</a> </div><br /><div><br /></div><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5276337064618724914" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 213px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_p1uYrWnTI-VMDZRxE7wPC0YZKqAnK0r1ekGkXsI9eg88b-6-84EiaN2KheMxYsDuoUzuVIvmZg_6XN-CtRl38Nlttls8ZlmifyWO4oAoJ5g00EKA4BOFqRYXq3pUAH8Snv-hOGOMOhRx/s320/yoga.gif" border="0" /><br />If I’m looking for proof, there it is. So, what am I waiting for?<br /><br />This entry submitted by guest blogger, Cathy Colbert Inman </div></div>Angela Wileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09422725050681954039noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7298841399070938208.post-67084063636225345242008-10-01T08:29:00.000-07:002008-10-08T09:24:06.619-07:00Nurturing Nature<div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVj4PWgx9LbPGZnAi-gdYrB5tsus34MDTNFMXa0zn6bpBJGtybtjjddaznqgac_uRHm9F6z2lW46JVjhpgteVGnYHKfmLj6f5iZgSKUKEk7eMOPA0Kq5mDgNAC9P5J88acmIwwflIhBXZR/s1600-h/trees+from+bottom+up.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5254818818950944978" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVj4PWgx9LbPGZnAi-gdYrB5tsus34MDTNFMXa0zn6bpBJGtybtjjddaznqgac_uRHm9F6z2lW46JVjhpgteVGnYHKfmLj6f5iZgSKUKEk7eMOPA0Kq5mDgNAC9P5J88acmIwwflIhBXZR/s320/trees+from+bottom+up.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><div><br /><br /><div><br /><div><br /><div>Recently, I have been pained to see Illinois’ natural resources on the chopping block of politics.<br /><br />Ever since I was a child, I have loved being outdoors. There is something soothing to me in the smell of the earth and the multiple shades of green in the canopy of leaves as I lay back. I seem to think better in nature, and I am not alone. I took my daughter and her girl scout troop on a camping trip to an Illinois park a couple of years ago, and I watched in amazement as <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcrfkb3wQV0waG5kJf-E1792QadVgv2jhabxvSNppRfIzCNWAMF75JEudEAqpqAKpGPuVoZ9PAQZyN85iBWgD0N0Vn085dT0IGV0UgqaqPjBkYJ_pjoRgmROD3fcejPllszYN56k5aqc-J/s1600-h/Angela+at+camp.bmp"></a>my girls bloomed and became almost inseparable from the natural world around them. <img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5254819082986155170" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8akpvH7d-icc5lPEZdkvoB9FvXIMrC7Fedt_lG__7NiDMtuVbKnbCZA7-cKTHACWoO0KG4pQYC7utpN4p0DTk9gmL4Aw2hwBXYIBQVpGTL4B4peuy2haJahY9MC-Un10-TP7mWe7jpRXr/s320/Angela+at+camp.bmp" border="0" /><br /><br />Across a number of disciplines, researchers have conclusively demonstrated that “conservation can now be viewed as a public health strategy” (<a href="http://www.childrenandnature.org/news/detail/the_powerful_link_between_conserving_land_and_preserving_health/">Frumkin & Louv, 2007</a>). Contact with nature is related to lower depression, better immune system functioning, lower levels of ADHD behaviors in children, and a host of other benefits. Colleagues and I did some work in the 1990s demonstrating that contact with even small patches of nature is related to more positive functioning for residents of inner city housing complexes. We learned that nature has important benefits for people in their everyday lives across the lifespan, from young children to their grandparents. These studies and many others show that nature isn’t simply part of the background of human existence but is an important thread in the foreground.<br /><br />What can you do to tap into the benefits of nature for you and those you love?<br /><br />Spend time outdoors as often as possible. Find enjoyable activities that you can do outside. Some may be solitary activities (reading on a bench, walking, meditating, fishing) while others might integrate others (hiking with a loved one in a state park, sharing a picnic beneath a beautiful tree, playing a game of croquet on your lawn). Protect your skin from the elements, but soak up your daily dose of nature. <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0QszMoM4dZo_yOYv5HvRSg1Pego5HRrAtjx8HOzmORrksT_0jRu3RQ9xmLJEePOoxgdJbpTVyHl3Tggq-IERu63yndzZWrjZKSL0qQo6ZRzSBFGwz6GUwvTMBaGDra9DDA-m1a_WY7FpI/s1600-h/fishing.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5254816024175055794" style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0QszMoM4dZo_yOYv5HvRSg1Pego5HRrAtjx8HOzmORrksT_0jRu3RQ9xmLJEePOoxgdJbpTVyHl3Tggq-IERu63yndzZWrjZKSL0qQo6ZRzSBFGwz6GUwvTMBaGDra9DDA-m1a_WY7FpI/s200/fishing.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><br />Find a place close to your home where you can enjoy nature. Having nature near your home will allow easy access when you have time. You can drop by on the spur of the moment sometimes, maybe when you need a boost.<br /><br />Plan inexpensive trips to state parks and public natural areas. These make great vacation destinations that can turn our focus away from materialism and toward enjoyment of the environment.<br /><br />Given the large body of evidence, it is clear that access to nature is the birthright of each of us. We do not have to have a second home on an exclusive wooded lake. The parks that are maintained by our federal government, states, and municipalities are a relatively low-cost investment in our present and future wellbeing. Let’s make use of these resources! </div><div> </div><div> </div><div>This entry was submitted by Angela Wiley.</div><div> </div></div></div></div></div>Angela Wileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09422725050681954039noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7298841399070938208.post-5166994007887862812008-08-30T06:27:00.000-07:002008-09-05T09:30:18.044-07:00Age Old Lessons for Contemporary Times<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1yrx2fcbHFhsP5rlbI3ef6PR3Z24cdvULXvlFrJalCynRo2pi5NpxyD7CCVkOUJafoss2yToR7CjTLSlCJsEQBHI_9wfKxKEtK-qIFZWxTh4962FHRDHPAqIXmQGuYJi4FIvc7htYfRCa/s1600-h/Fig1.18.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5242571795032912802" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1yrx2fcbHFhsP5rlbI3ef6PR3Z24cdvULXvlFrJalCynRo2pi5NpxyD7CCVkOUJafoss2yToR7CjTLSlCJsEQBHI_9wfKxKEtK-qIFZWxTh4962FHRDHPAqIXmQGuYJi4FIvc7htYfRCa/s200/Fig1.18.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div>I believe my children are gifts – given to me for a season, to teach, and try my best to instill family values in them. With this awesome responsibility comes the need to filter what they learn in the world as they observe others and interact with peers. In today’s economy prices rise while income levels remain the same. I am finding it necessary to communicate with my younger daughter differently about the issue of money, gas prices, and the cost of entertainment.<br /><br /><br />I have always tried to help my two girls learn about money – first, tying this valuable lesson to what my daughters were learning in school. I remember saying, to my now 21 year old, when she was only four, "You have to learn to count your money if you want to spend it." She would be allowed to spend a dollar at a time learning to count the change before progressing to more difficult denominations. This seemed to work well. She learned to count with ease; progressed to being able to count her money back from what was owed; and learned about percentages as we shopped (10% off / on sale 30% off, etc.). But, as my younger daughter enters her senior year of high school I have begun to wonder where has this training gone? Did I exude all my energy on the older daughter forgetting to provide the same lessons to the younger one? I find myself saying to this young “diva” … “Do you think I have endless pockets?” My colleague is having the same conversations with his teenage son about leaving the lights on. I think the key is that parents must not grow weary of guiding – these lessons do eventually sink in and getting stressed out about it is fruitless. </div><p align="left"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5242568506982755874" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEha1-6SVmPtL37g5gjpm_3yesYfNl-ArR5iTtShoZ7w2buSaNd8GT79B-E2OrvpdJCenUzw5eGHgn1Mxx5bBJ_qTUhC20O5m_9g8jHIcYxJEI_08sBGGNgr7uvffOTSd9_X560mSwzCln6h/s200/green+recyclebot.gif" border="0" /></p><div><br /><br />In a world with such economic downturns I'm trying, like others, to cut costs where I'm able. This means I now have to send very clear messages about what my family needs to do to change. In fact, as I write about this I'm planning to implement a new strategy one which I hope will help my younger daughter understand more about cost savings and eco-friendly citizenship. You see, she enjoys long showers, watches television while on the Internet, leaves the television on while she runs a short errand or simply wastes energy. My plan is to have her log the results of usage and costs of our electric, gas, and water bills. Next, I will have her suggest ways “we” might save money and then suggest how “we” might treat ourselves with the savings.<br /><br /><br /><br />A few cost saving tips that might work with children without causing stress:<br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKLJYJX7QAOfKqXdB01ZMzjezxT5NKIVnOkt07dNyLYZMfoF-g_PFyZXAl1Lw6wpLD3GcXGDERjjiv4TcMVfIdWvhB1yb_qDbsHewyYbEFoJ4AGFlHuU5F6qzZg0pQZhw6VBYuXj2GMFte/s1600-h/family+w+piggy+bank.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5242571153252322514" style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKLJYJX7QAOfKqXdB01ZMzjezxT5NKIVnOkt07dNyLYZMfoF-g_PFyZXAl1Lw6wpLD3GcXGDERjjiv4TcMVfIdWvhB1yb_qDbsHewyYbEFoJ4AGFlHuU5F6qzZg0pQZhw6VBYuXj2GMFte/s200/family+w+piggy+bank.gif" border="0" /></a><br /> Watch the news together and discuss issues about the economy together<br /> Reflect on today’s economy in the current presidential campaign<br /> Provide them with limited choices – i.e., you have extra money for Great America, but that means you are choosing not to go to dinner and the movies with your friends later …(I used this one on my younger daughter and she understood perfectly)<br /><br />Although more research is needed on the effectiveness of economic and financial education programs, educators do agree on what parents can do to help. Economic educators have long argued in favor of teaching children the principles of financial and economic education early and often. In order to assist with financial literacy, Schug and Hagedorn believe parents must begin as early as possible and enforce these lessons repeatedly.<br /><br />To learn more about financial and economic literacy programs go to University of Illinois Extension - Consumer Economic Team’s web site: http://www.ace.uiuc.edu/cfe/money/index.html<br /><br />Schug, Mark C.; Hagedorn, Eric A. (2005). The Money Savvy Pig™ Goes to the Big City: Testing the Effectiveness of an Economics Curriculum for Young Children. Social Studies, 96: (2), 68-71.<br /><br />Other helpful tips may be gleaned from a well written tip sheet, 101 Ways to Save Money Alabama Cooperative Extension www.aces.edu.<br /><br /><br />Learning more about positive ways to have these conversations reduces stress and creates valuable dialog. I chose not to get too stressed and remain in a spirit of “Intentional Harmony” as it pertains to teaching my girls about tough economic times.<br /><br /><br /><br />This entry submitted by guest blogger, Giesela Grumbach. </div>Angela Wileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09422725050681954039noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7298841399070938208.post-43593050661220116302008-08-15T07:56:00.000-07:002008-08-18T07:57:24.467-07:00What We Can Learn From a Toddler<div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsCNJ6zLyW4kgO4VGMDVZE3393NhQ5T1J2uwFnvyYkADZYa8_U1RAm7O_9u8dEbrL0GA_8KyPBRRhfWSTgtC8oGNuao5_igHGiQk4F9_sYO5aL1aQHjjcQppJG-PhRW8eMworHt2W_Tv1o/s1600-h/Toddler1.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5234763391871586242" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsCNJ6zLyW4kgO4VGMDVZE3393NhQ5T1J2uwFnvyYkADZYa8_U1RAm7O_9u8dEbrL0GA_8KyPBRRhfWSTgtC8oGNuao5_igHGiQk4F9_sYO5aL1aQHjjcQppJG-PhRW8eMworHt2W_Tv1o/s200/Toddler1.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><div>I recently spent a weekend with my daughter and thirteen month old grandson. Typical of a toddler, he is learning how to manage disappointment. His mother was busy and told him that he could not go outside at that moment. This little boy, standing almost 2 feet tall, bent at the waist, put his head to the floor and loudly cried out his anger. Then standing straight again, he was soon involved in happy play. I was reminded that sometimes all we need to do is vent.<br /><br />Venting is most useful if it is intentional and planned. While venting by yelling and screaming works for a toddler, there are more useful and productive ways to vent. Many people find that physical activity releases the emotional energy that is built up from stress and/or anger. I am told that running or working out at the gym is a good way to release that energy. I like to work in my flower garden. <img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5234763999872473394" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvD2wUs2EG5QezMXeGuIV53qAdeAfJy0xC0nengCKE6K-7WIchPYaFBt60m73wLnqql1G3xWMfg8V9aV4WRnM3XTz7aYXx9TTWXYyNe-ZsEuNMk1chGXfxAMsawakr-8sYNv9TqJ7Im6z9/s200/gardening.gif" border="0" /><br /><br />But there are less physical ways to vent, too. Reading, meditation or praying are useful methods for releasing pressure. Sometimes, I like to talk to someone about a stressful situation. It helps me see the situation differently. I guess that is similar to my grandson who that same weekend was in a nonverbal discussion with his cousin. It seems they both wanted the same swing and chose to resolve it by pushing (physical venting) His mother was able to discuss it with him and redirect him to solve his problem in a more helpful way. Venting or discussing it with others is most helpful if talking about it doesn’t stir up the initial emotions and pressure but helps us move through the situation.<br /><br />There are many ways to vent after a tough day at work or home. Remember that in order for venting to be useful, it needs to be controlled. Regular planned activities help to prevent negativity from reaching a point where it spills over to other relationships. Venting is of no use if it keeps us in a state of anger.<br /><br />Learn a lesson from a toddler: Vent and move on.<br /><br />For further information on anger management check out the following Extension websites:<br /><br /><a href="http://www.urbanext.uiuc.edu/familyworks/anger-02.html">http://www.urbanext.uiuc.edu/familyworks/anger-02.html</a><br /><a href="http://ohioline.osu.edu/flm03/FS08.pdf">http://ohioline.osu.edu/flm03/FS08.pdf</a><br /><a href="http://www.ext.colostate.edu/pubs/consumer/10236.html">http://www.ext.colostate.edu/pubs/consumer/10236.html</a><br /><br /><br />This blog entry is submitted by guest blogger, Rachel Schwarzendruber. </div></div>Angela Wileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09422725050681954039noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7298841399070938208.post-91118158575085007812008-07-25T09:28:00.000-07:002008-07-30T07:21:13.433-07:00A New Adventure in Life—Grandparenting<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJPrdPomCkzoCU7NjB7g_7CPPwBHYRS7XrvuSaO2WGVbboct31aADiVQeDBnYThCiajTiYhL0y57gj3TW6HIu2YoWragobwoA5M1b-Jg5AkL0Wk1CmRe45IvxREZJU0fmp2QKzguL7gjqU/s1600-h/stork1.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5226997374597865186" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJPrdPomCkzoCU7NjB7g_7CPPwBHYRS7XrvuSaO2WGVbboct31aADiVQeDBnYThCiajTiYhL0y57gj3TW6HIu2YoWragobwoA5M1b-Jg5AkL0Wk1CmRe45IvxREZJU0fmp2QKzguL7gjqU/s200/stork1.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><div><br /><div><br /><div><br /><div></div><br /><div>I have heard that there is nothing like being a grandmother and very recently have been privileged to experience this reality. I must admit that with the emphasis for young people on careers today, I was wondering if my son and daughter-in-law might decide to pursue their careers over having a family.<br /><br />After thinking I received a present by mistake last Christmas from my son and daughter-in-law, I was thrilled and filled with joy when I realized the meaning behind an ornament with the word “Grandma” on it. It was the first time that I seriously considered moving to Iowa to be closer than four hours away from my son, daughter-in-law, and future grandbaby! It was also the first time that we learned that this was their second pregnancy and she had miscarried her last child. So they were very excited but hesitant to tell us and asked that we not tell the rest of the family until things were a little further along.<br /><br />Watching my daughter-in-law go through morning sickness, a scare of blood spotting, and proclaim “It takes a lot of energy to grow a baby” has kept me in prayer. Seeing my son, while talking with me and his father, move to stand protectively behind his wife with his arms stretched out as she climbed a step-stool to reach something out of the kitchen cabinet made me feel proud. Observing his excitement of making the baby move when he spoke or massaged his wife’s stomach brought smiles to my face.<br /><br />Three weeks before the baby’s due date on a Sunday morning before church we got an email that Kelly’s, (my daughter-in-law’s) water had broke at 4 a.m. and she might be going into labor. We called my son, Tim, and they were already at the hospital. Things were going slow and Tim said he would call when they knew more. We told him we would keep the phone on during church which we had never done before.<br /><br />Sure enough the call came at 11:33 am during church service and my husband went out in the hallway to answer it. Kelly had delivered a 5 lb. 15 oz. healthy baby girl with no name yet. But most importantly, mom and baby were doing fine. Eventually the name came, Abigail Ann. They wanted to call her, Abby. We love the name. </div><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5226995240256864962" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrWGp3yvVTJAIKtD_tc7W9g1GWV7pjC-WaeSRplEZUyqWKwzsW7HTzS5FMdekbAukFzOgj7v1zRlCDJ031CvCJBSWooVVAXPVrookux6Mkgm8XvR43KHCxCCy31LxufSKuL1sKsdW22M2C/s200/mother+and+child.gif" border="0" /> Part of the challenge of being a grandmother is abiding by the unwritten in-law rules that say “If it is my daughter, I get to see her and the baby first and if it is your daughter, you get to see her and the baby first.” Letting the other set of grandparents have first priority at seeing the baby when I so wanted to get into the car and drive to Iowa NOW was the first place I felt myself needing to adapt.<br /><br />I knew I had to consider Kelly and Tim’s feelings and plans and put them before mine, no matter how strongly my desires felt. Kelly planned on her parents being the first to see little Abby. So rather than feeling sorry for myself since I did happen to take the week as vacation and could have easily driven up to see them, I used my extra time to cook up some casseroles that Kelly could freeze as I waited for the weekend--our scheduled time to see them. It was also the time when Mike and I could both go together.<br /><br />A jaundice scare put Abby back in the hospital in an incubator under lights for an additional night. Again we were asked to wait until she was released from the hospital. Ughh! Couldn’t we be a help and support? It was getting difficult to wait, but eventually our time came.<br /><br />Nothing prepares you for seeing your grandbaby for the first time. Besides the joy of holding <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgv3RcS4HgUbuSLJGp5WTVvqtYLoYCx89MPR7-hvquY4iJQnsgR1WnL8fknRElQgwkVVtF2lHMqEcaZZ2lr6QOAo-qZov8OhOMh4wJqmA_QK4Bvnm1q0moeVlpgue6ZVSkHmpXxRUdpMe5v/s1600-h/Dad+and+baby.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5226995468322972354" style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgv3RcS4HgUbuSLJGp5WTVvqtYLoYCx89MPR7-hvquY4iJQnsgR1WnL8fknRElQgwkVVtF2lHMqEcaZZ2lr6QOAo-qZov8OhOMh4wJqmA_QK4Bvnm1q0moeVlpgue6ZVSkHmpXxRUdpMe5v/s200/Dad+and+baby.gif" border="0" /></a>Abby, I so enjoyed watching Tim and Kelly interact with her.<br /><br />My son is an engineer so he loves to solve problems. When Abby began to fuss in my arms, Kelly came over and immediately quieted her down. We assumed it was mamma’s voice that calmed her. But then we learned something endearing.<br /><br />When Abby had cried at the hospital, Tim would try different things to calm her down. He tried rubbing her head gently, it didn’t faze her. He tried massaging her legs, her stomach, but nothing stopped her crying until he took both of her arms and gently held them close to her chest while placing his two thumbs up for her to wrap her palms and fingers around. She immediately quieted down and stopped crying. “I don’t know why it works Mom, but she obviously finds it very comforting.” We realized that this is what we had witnessed Kelly do to calm Abby when she was upset in my arms. I loved to see Tim apply his engineering skills in his new role as a father.<br /><br />Following are a couple of websites that are useful to new (and old) grandparents: Benefits of Grandparenting, Ohio State, <a title="blocked::http://ohioline.osu.edu/hyg-fact/5000/pdf/Benefits_Grandparenting.pdf" href="http://ohioline.osu.edu/hyg-fact/5000/pdf/Benefits_Grandparenting.pdf">http://ohioline.osu.edu/hyg-fact/5000/pdf/Benefits_Grandparenting.pdf</a>. Grandletters (a correspondence program for grandparents of grandchildren 7-12 years old), Kansas State University, <a title="blocked::http://www.oznet.ksu.edu/library/famlf2/mf752.pdf" href="http://www.oznet.ksu.edu/library/famlf2/mf752.pdf">http://www.oznet.ksu.edu/library/famlf2/mf752.pdf</a> </div><br /><br /><div><br />My next challenge will be grandparenting from a distance. How do I form a close bond with my grandchild when I am hours away? Phone calls, letters, emails, birthday cards, photos and small gifts are probably the most common ways of staying in touch. Holiday and summer visits to our home and attending special child events are also important ways to build the relationship. Audio or video tapes with a bedtime story that I read or stories about grandpa or myself as a child could be other ways. What have you found to be the best way to build relationships with those who are far away?</div><br /><div><br /></div><br /><div>This entry submitted by Patti Faughn, Family Life Educator.<br /></div></div></div>Angela Wileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09422725050681954039noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7298841399070938208.post-57150482393127715192008-07-14T09:15:00.000-07:002008-07-16T07:01:31.371-07:00♪ “It’s Not That Easy Being Green.” ♫<div>Remember Kermit’s song, made popular back in the 1970’s? At the beginning of the song our little frog friend was feeling pretty nondescript, ordinary and un-special about being green and blending in with so many ordinary things, like leaves, for instance.<br /><br />Fast forward 35+ years and here we are still talking (why not singing?) about going green. Contrary to Kermit’s song title, it’s pretty easy for us to be green. It helps if we’re knowledgeable, imaginative and down right “intentional,” if we want in improve our greenness. If you were to sit down with pencil and paper, and number your sheet to from one to 12 do you think you could list at least a dozen things that you’re doing to “go green?”<br /><br />Here’s my list . . . .<br /><br />1. Wash dishes by hand, particularly if we can’t fill up an entire load in the dishwasher. The dishwasher is generally saved for “company only.”<br />2. Use solar and wind power to dry laundry on the line. Yes, even in muggy, humid central Illinois you can dry clothes outside in a reasonable amount of time. No fabric soften<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgD4estd39VHDIm3dnPhyn1LuqJAL54wMB1-nijGIUTketot6NuYuJHV2Pc8VjM1MtiiOV6QHRJ5Wm9ydjG_JFKZzDmSSeKrQ0y1VNtZKPjgxPAUJgHiOPLGksSA6YGO4BwsrOnrjtdUuL9/s1600-h/laundry.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5222914444888583858" style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgD4estd39VHDIm3dnPhyn1LuqJAL54wMB1-nijGIUTketot6NuYuJHV2Pc8VjM1MtiiOV6QHRJ5Wm9ydjG_JFKZzDmSSeKrQ0y1VNtZKPjgxPAUJgHiOPLGksSA6YGO4BwsrOnrjtdUuL9/s200/laundry.gif" border="0" /></a>er can match the natural fresh smell of line dried laundry! (Don’t talk to me about the birds.)<br />3. Wrap gifts in colorful Sunday paper comics, or incorporate a gift as the wrapping such as a kitchen towel, hand towel, etc.<br />4. Take the bus. The past six weeks I’ve made an effort to take the bus to work twice a week. Not only does it save on gas, but parking as well. (UI provides us with free bus passes.) It forces me to get more organized in terms of limiting errands to the other three days. Another benefit is I’m walking several blocks to and from my bus stops, thus getting in some exercise.<br />5. Donate to Goodwill and other places. One of my big life goals is to clean out my house and find homes for items we can no longer use.<br />6. Purchase items from Goodwill and other second hand stores. Yes, I’m a shopper at these stores, on occasion, too. For someone like me, who frequently is not into the “current styles or look,” I find it refreshing to find my retro taste still available at these stores, plus you can’t beat the price. Along these same lines I’m not above “dumpster diving,” either. It’s amazing what useful, valuable things get put out in the trash!<br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzuqHnoH3Uqg7bKkZVsSJKFVuaDqESQroIo3dBIdlpyTS3NqSSLL-RiDE-lN7VYVy6hXP1TediqO7VeHXYfBlOPrZyO5FAZjJP_KagJ0IchbTS4b0gOKqOK6LkxTR5Hdc7GDKjhXQUWj06/s1600-h/push+mower.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5223236340526315026" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzuqHnoH3Uqg7bKkZVsSJKFVuaDqESQroIo3dBIdlpyTS3NqSSLL-RiDE-lN7VYVy6hXP1TediqO7VeHXYfBlOPrZyO5FAZjJP_KagJ0IchbTS4b0gOKqOK6LkxTR5Hdc7GDKjhXQUWj06/s200/push+mower.gif" border="0" /></a>7. Use a push mower rather than a power mower. I have to admit I’ve only pushed this hand mower around our backyard once in the last year, but I did it once and will likely do it again. See #6 to see from where this mower came—hint “one man’s trash is another man’s treasure.”<br />8. Open your windows and use fans rather than A/C. I seem to be able to tolerate the heat and humidity more at home or at work than I can in the car. And there are definitely times the A/C at home is humming.<br />9.<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7urYf4SArXEyL73zXH1yAND1G6LsRN2rSPatkXaRhga_VbDxd-j0FC3xbe6TuEsmzcVE_-3Qkbppm5KdcKbKSFx2Wc9Zqre6wgrSeQn2VcpjAufYMijfwG8H9sgrKHGIl4veJYFN7U_DM/s1600-h/light+bulb.gif"></a> Install florescent bulbs. Pretty simple.<br />10. Walk more. We’re fortunate to live within walking distance to many places we frequent – park, restaurants, bank, library, etc.<br />11. Conserve water. This one goes back to number 1—wash dishes by hand. Given our water heater is some distance from our kitchen sink, this past year we’ve been filling up gallon jugs of water while it’s heating up. This water is later used for watering plants, making coffee, doing laundry, etc.<br />12. Bring bags to grocery store. We’re getting a lot of mileage out of our paper bags with handles. We keep a supply in the trunk of the car. Our store even gives us a 3 cent credit for each bag we bring in.<br /><br />I’m definitely not a “purest” when it comes to going green. Sometimes I’m in a hurry, hot, tired, forget, become extravagant, whatever, but I’m not too hard on myself. I figure that the times I do make an effort to conserve, re-use, recycle makes a difference.<br /><br />Achieving a sustainable society is pretty much the mission of Worldwatch Institute. It delivers the insights and ideas that empower decision makers to create an environmentally sustainable society that meets human needs. Founded in 1974, Worldwatch focuses on the 21st century challenges of climate change, resource degradation, population growth, and poverty by developing and disseminating solid data and innovative strategies for achieving a sustainable society. The following website pages from Worldwatch Institute includes some of their suggestions of what we can all be doing to help sustain our world:<br /><a href="http://www.worldwatch.org/node/3915?gclid=CMv72JLLv5QCFRZjnAodWi0HTQ">http://www.worldwatch.org/node/3915?gclid=CMv72JLLv5QCFRZjnAodWi0HTQ</a><br /><br />Additionally, there are numerous sites on line that calculate your carbon footprint. I think we can all strive to reduce our shoe size.<br /><br />Back to Kermit and his song. While he starts out lamenting about being green and so ordinary, he progresses through his verses recognizing and then gaining new appreciation for his greenness. By the end of his song he’s happy – “It’s <green>beautiful! And it’s what I want to be.” Me, too Kermit!! </div><br /><br /><div><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5223238865774304466" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzuhcAWimlFVchjghbwX7P7Cazd52cg5UIDmD6NOI3M9KCrsnla7HmNVtzWbFzCmzqCLug-7OnoYhijXkPrQhW2zxgFvc5nud__gl6rI-EnkhAXHL7jIvzLDzG69A5YSf-nGK_1xy1Xc6l/s200/green+frog.gif" border="0" /><br /><br /><br /><div align="center"><br />This entry submitted by guest blogger, Cathy Colbert Inman </div></div>Angela Wileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09422725050681954039noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7298841399070938208.post-33286037006564218582008-06-10T08:28:00.000-07:002008-06-10T09:21:09.887-07:00Forgiveness<div><br /><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwRbVWecCmF4soUcPrONbqHmeSxbUGp08URNRtUBGrJLZNOF-OiG2uB7m5QIkhXHM1-jTTFnrsg6KQLPjfmJe38_XCzzCXT9LlIoPVWCRHUQHSeax25aDnHUaTtrRTaSeTcwDCzN9ZFMZQ/s1600-h/parking+meter.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5210282189862279922" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwRbVWecCmF4soUcPrONbqHmeSxbUGp08URNRtUBGrJLZNOF-OiG2uB7m5QIkhXHM1-jTTFnrsg6KQLPjfmJe38_XCzzCXT9LlIoPVWCRHUQHSeax25aDnHUaTtrRTaSeTcwDCzN9ZFMZQ/s200/parking+meter.gif" border="0" /></a><br />Last week I got a parking ticket. I’m talking about a $10 ticket. I think that’s sizable, but my reaction this time was different than it has been in the past. This ticket resulted from pure negligence. I simply forgot to feed the meter. When I saw the ticket, I immediately wrote the check, walked a block down the street and deposited my penance in the little box attached to a pole. Thus, within minutes the ticket was discovered, dealt with and forgotten (almost). Previous tickets have triggered different responses. If I’ve fed the meter, and then get there moments after it's expired to find a ticket, I’m red hot mad! Not only had I “wasted” $3 on feeding the meter, in the first place, but now I have to pay $10 more. So what does a passive aggressive person do in a case like this? They scribble their check out, to demonstrate their anger, they wait until the 71st hour to deposit it in “the box,” and they seethe and fume to whoever will, or won’t, listen to them. Once, I felt justified in appealing my ticket, and won. I knew the meter was soon to expire so ran out to the car and discovered that: <em>One</em>, it had expired. <em>Two,</em> there was no ticket on the windshield. <em>Three</em>, there was a meter maid standing next to my car writing, or punching something into an electronic devise. I immediately fed the meter, in front of her, before she could put the ticket on my windshield. This prompted a dialogue. She argued that the ticket was valid from the moment she entered it into her “system.” I countered that there was no ticket on the windshield when I re-fed the meter and that I shouldn’t have to pay. This went on for a short while and ended when she suggested I appeal it, which I did. Did I mention I won the appeal? I thought so.<br /><br />For some strange reason when I reflected on my tickets and the various ways I dealt with them I got to thinking about “forgiveness.” My most recent ticket experience seems to have been the least painful of my ticketed past. Why is that, I wondered? Is it because I quickly recognized that I was wrong, (forgetful) immediately faced the consequences, paid my dues and then it was over. I could, and did, go about my business without the storm and fury of previous experiences. All was forgiven. Whereas, in the past when I painfully drag it out, I’m the one who gets upset, stressed, mad and distracted, not the city of Urbana. So, by not forgiving myself, I’m the one who suffers.<br /><br />The need to forgive ourselves for minor annoyances, like parking tickets, is small compared to the interpersonal hurts and losses we face. Fred Luskin, Ph.D. Stanford, is devoting his professional life to the study of forgiveness. Forgiveness has been shown to reduce anger, hurt, depression and stress and lead to greater feelings of optimism, hope, compassion and self confidence. Dr. Luskin’s research is conducted in a workshop format and typically lasts from five to six weeks. “It is not therapy. It is teaching people how to learn this kind of skill,” he said. “We can teach people to forgive and that will improve their well-being.” One of the greatest outcomes of forgiveness has been the reduction of anger felt by the forgiver. One of the benefactor’s <img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5210285017014224754" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" height="140" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_tQTuS7PMrmulOZkp-KSUB3Istn3aAo0gLNrhRgcf0lNPWp-JhAxvmsatCEXeKNFk4R4kaRyyQo_giN7jlmpA4C92mf_S5cCfIEQa-t4aPul6YuJL3gzYdpGiRiDCvt9BELMwVwiVVb1G/s200/angry+face.gif" width="162" border="0" />of Luskin’s work sums it up, “To me, the most important thing was that when you are angry you are only hurting yourself. You are not hurting the person that you are mad at.”<br /><br />Forgiveness does not necessarily mean reconciliation with the person that hurt you, or condoning of their action. What you are after, is to find peace. Dr. Luskin lists nine steps toward forgiveness including: Remember that a life well lived is your best revenge. Instead of focusing on your wounded feelings, and thereby giving the person who caused you pain power over you, learn to look for the love, beauty and kindness around you. Forgiveness is about personal power. <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgG1GJc-bNaF1yzpbLdJCCADrGNbA-1KuMPd_6DnahWwsvUM8I2uwDyweaFXyAaI-l9Lqb1yfMXl1axhgmFMZeZctXDiKAA26pELMp50h5JpCM2x70L3QLoUi4RhhcvHDZdBQR3coZsTFRS/s1600-h/dove.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5210285680305949938" style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgG1GJc-bNaF1yzpbLdJCCADrGNbA-1KuMPd_6DnahWwsvUM8I2uwDyweaFXyAaI-l9Lqb1yfMXl1axhgmFMZeZctXDiKAA26pELMp50h5JpCM2x70L3QLoUi4RhhcvHDZdBQR3coZsTFRS/s200/dove.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><br />This entry submitted by guest blogger, Cathy Colbert Inman.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></div></div>Angela Wileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09422725050681954039noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7298841399070938208.post-87179521966782151162008-05-21T18:41:00.000-07:002008-05-21T19:06:57.594-07:00To Pitch or Not to Pitch<div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhclr97zoA5RwzXmdtmsIS0RIPMPWN0W3YB7cD2TeiR_RyGcbRpdDhncGMBnbYlBg1hoPDgcTossZf9zTL4cGPXQwD_p4rU2vLJJMnXumzEwQFWsU91isnyVIk9BHoyv8UC2Kt9eg0gfsRU/s1600-h/Pitch+flower.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5203013456360312018" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhclr97zoA5RwzXmdtmsIS0RIPMPWN0W3YB7cD2TeiR_RyGcbRpdDhncGMBnbYlBg1hoPDgcTossZf9zTL4cGPXQwD_p4rU2vLJJMnXumzEwQFWsU91isnyVIk9BHoyv8UC2Kt9eg0gfsRU/s200/Pitch+flower.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div>Living in a mid-western university community I feel we get a couple extra “new years” -- opportunities for making resolutions, changes. Spring is filled with rebirth and “newness” in nature, from crocuses and tulips poking through the dark earth, to robins hatching from pastel blue eggshells. In a community that revolves around the University of Illinois, the beginning of the school year also seems like “a new year.” After a slow quiet summer the community blossoms and prospers while the locals cry out, with forked tongues, “Oh no! The students are back!” And lest we forget that our traditional new year begins January 1. I don’t know about you, but I feel more energized in the spring and fall, than I do in the dead of winter, when it comes to making (keeping) resolutions.<br /><br />One resolution that keeps rearing its ugly head at me is, “Clean out the house!” Notice I said clean “out” the house, not “up” the house. Accumulated clutter -- where does it all come from? We’ve heard the rhetorical question – If a cluttered desk is indicative of a cluttered mind, what does an empty desk convey? Well, I’d like to switch words: instead of an empty desk, how about an organized one? I don’t think anyone can argue with being more organized. There are tons of books, websites, blogs, and even TV shows on the subject of decluttering. Why are they so popular? Well maybe there’re lots of clutterbugs, like me, out there. People who spend too much time “looking” for lost items, wasting money on unnecessary stuff and having difficulty parting with certain objects. These behaviors can lead to stress, frustration and negativity.<br /><br />The first step to effective decluttering starts with our “mind,” not a dumpster. Just like successful dieters have to change the way they think about food and examine what “needs” food is meeting in their lives, we need to ask some similar questions about “things,” and what they represent to us. Lifestyle changes need to come first if we’re to achieve and sustain our new behaviors, be they dieting or declutturing.<br /><br />But, doesn’t it all seem overwhelming? Where do I begin? Karen Chan, Illinois Extension Educator, of Consumer and Family Economics has developed a comprehensive guide on, "Dealing with Clutter.” You can read all about it at the Extension website: <a class="western" href="http://www.urbanext.uiuc.edu/clutter/dealing.html">http://www.urbanext.uiuc.edu/clutter/dealing.html</a><br /><br />Karen addresses all kinds of clutter, from the paper clutter of <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjl5DiJmE6Nohzdk3aICOj7bMuSzQFt_SWQmkwTLxVYbqUK5iweUjC-bBJuwa61Tg061lqQHSbvCnmsPVfzh3g7Gx1wJLuAIVuKByBzdJvZnD5yvyhl_mzR4mPCoo1ri_can7fc6fOkYI62/s1600-h/Pitch+Bills+in+Box.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5203014053360766178" style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjl5DiJmE6Nohzdk3aICOj7bMuSzQFt_SWQmkwTLxVYbqUK5iweUjC-bBJuwa61Tg061lqQHSbvCnmsPVfzh3g7Gx1wJLuAIVuKByBzdJvZnD5yvyhl_mzR4mPCoo1ri_can7fc6fOkYI62/s200/Pitch+Bills+in+Box.jpg" border="0" /></a>magazines, kids’ art work, junk mail and utility bills, to clothes we hope to some day get back into, keepsakes that hold special sentiment, and all the stuff/junk and things that stack up in our garages, basements and attics. The kitchen has its own section, as she shows us how we can organize this very busy room in our house.<br /><br /><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmJNTxKb-SeSl3g2mknQ7lHUQQCsifS2aSUht9rLfS4qR4Y4Uue5o9XVK-fHvhNm3QSGAJpBLOOf1TV8g8PZNrdaLdQkXL1HbQuexpqUf6YcE2KkwBjug_-g2vQ9n_x1PRTUPRvyydV3p8/s1600-h/Pitch+Garage+sale.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5203016050520558834" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmJNTxKb-SeSl3g2mknQ7lHUQQCsifS2aSUht9rLfS4qR4Y4Uue5o9XVK-fHvhNm3QSGAJpBLOOf1TV8g8PZNrdaLdQkXL1HbQuexpqUf6YcE2KkwBjug_-g2vQ9n_x1PRTUPRvyydV3p8/s200/Pitch+Garage+sale.jpg" border="0" /></a> <div>Like so many big, overwhelming jobs, we get stuck in our tracks, paralyzed, “can’t move.” But Karen breaks the big jobs into small manageable ones. She introduces us to the Clutter Emergency Card – a series of six questions to aid us in deciding whether to keep or pitch, give away or sell? She shows us that we don’t need enormous blocks of time to tackle the jobs, but we can make good use of small pockets of time. She gives me hope. I can see the light at the end of my attic. I can put my house on a diet and we’ll all be the better for it. Yes I can, yes I will! </div></div></div><br /><br />This entry submitted by guest blogger, Cathy Colbert InmanAngela Wileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09422725050681954039noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7298841399070938208.post-262176338699813082008-04-30T13:12:00.000-07:002008-04-30T13:43:27.503-07:00Getting where I need to go<span style=""><o:p></o:p></span><span style="">Each year, the first Friday in April is national “Walk to W</span><span style="">ork Day” in the U.S. Walking, which can be a form of moderate exercise, has been shown to improve health in a number of important ways. People who walk at least 30 minutes a day can lower their risk of heart attack, reduce their blood pressure, and improve their outlook. Not to mention that walking saves gasoline. As prices quickly approach $4.00 a gallon, most of us can use some relief.<br /><br /></span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyu71v5-DnnSqmjT3lrWS0xa_kXlX-sF_YTcJxussD1yRJCSL2fPl8Yy5oVUWnM0Rl7Gn7z1NBrrOjcGIY12gPfy5lMBxDgO4rEqyFQCVUL0eQhS-ihqJZO66T3xdh-6ue0mCw2mypXWz-/s1600-h/walk_to_work.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyu71v5-DnnSqmjT3lrWS0xa_kXlX-sF_YTcJxussD1yRJCSL2fPl8Yy5oVUWnM0Rl7Gn7z1NBrrOjcGIY12gPfy5lMBxDgO4rEqyFQCVUL0eQhS-ihqJZO66T3xdh-6ue0mCw2mypXWz-/s200/walk_to_work.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5195138107574833010" border="0" /></a><span style=""><o:p></o:p></span> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><!--[if gte vml 1]><v:shapetype id="_x0000_t75" coordsize="21600,21600" spt="75" preferrelative="t" path="m@4@5l@4@11@9@11@9@5xe" filled="f" stroked="f"> <v:stroke joinstyle="miter"> <v:formulas> <v:f eqn="if lineDrawn pixelLineWidth 0"> <v:f eqn="sum @0 1 0"> <v:f eqn="sum 0 0 @1"> <v:f eqn="prod @2 1 2"> <v:f eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelWidth"> <v:f eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelHeight"> <v:f eqn="sum @0 0 1"> <v:f eqn="prod @6 1 2"> <v:f eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelWidth"> <v:f eqn="sum @8 21600 0"> <v:f eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelHeight"> <v:f eqn="sum @10 21600 0"> </v:formulas> <v:path extrusionok="f" gradientshapeok="t" connecttype="rect"> <o:lock ext="edit" aspectratio="t"> </v:shapetype><v:shape id="_x0000_s1027" type="#_x0000_t75" style="'position:absolute;" wrapcoords="9076 0 7805 113 6716 905 6716 1809 3812 3619 0 4297 -182 4410 1271 5428 908 5881 1815 7238 1634 8029 2178 10065 3449 10857 5082 10857 6171 12666 5264 14475 4175 18094 3449 19904 2723 21035 2723 21374 3267 21374 3993 21374 14158 21374 21418 20808 21237 19904 20148 18094 17788 16285 19059 14475 18151 12327 16881 11422 15247 10857 15973 10857 20692 9273 20874 9047 21055 7464 20692 5089 19422 4410 16518 3619 12161 1809 12343 1131 11072 113 9983 0 9076 0"> <v:imagedata src="file:///C:\DOCUME~1\awiley\LOCALS~1\Temp\msohtml1\01\clip_image001.wmz" title="MCj03235350000[1]"> <w:wrap type="tight"> </v:shape><![endif]--><!--[if !vml]--><!--[endif]--><span style="">I have a confession to make. I live within a 20 minute walk of my workplace and 15 minutes of my child’s school. I’m not sure how long it would take the crow to fly, but this is how long it takes my feet to walk. My feet COULD, that is, if I didn’t keep making excuses for why I don’t do it very often. Let’s see.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <ul style="margin-top: 0in;" type="disc"><li class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="">I have too much to carry.<o:p></o:p></span></li><li class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="">I don’t have enough time.<o:p></o:p></span></li><li class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="">I have errands to run at lunch or right after work.<span style=""> </span><o:p></o:p></span></li><li class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="">I have chauffeur duty for daughter and friends.<o:p></o:p></span></li><li class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="">It’s too cold.<o:p></o:p></span></li><li class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="">It’s too hot.<o:p></o:p></span></li><li class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="">It’s too wet.<o:p></o:p></span></li></ul> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="">I do bike to work occasionally. Somehow taking the time to walk somewhere seems old-fashioned and inconvenient. I walk and do other activity for exercise but when I have somewhere to go, I tend to jump in the car.<span style=""> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style=""><span style="">Why walk?<o:p></o:p></span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="">The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) recommends that on most days of the week we get a minimum of 30 minutes of moderate-intensity physical activity.<br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1BZj_IxI6PzUD1AiSkdL7AktzFJc1u8zYtDtz4tLsQOH7Y7Vsv4WiG6UGtRCcLgLuI_6zpLj51OpiVluzykqxG2bFkDlorfRZZv6rF1tjIytvIK0AP9FcSgxbDOGuTsZqKEbuVXzpJkm7/s1600-h/walk_textmedium.png"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1BZj_IxI6PzUD1AiSkdL7AktzFJc1u8zYtDtz4tLsQOH7Y7Vsv4WiG6UGtRCcLgLuI_6zpLj51OpiVluzykqxG2bFkDlorfRZZv6rF1tjIytvIK0AP9FcSgxbDOGuTsZqKEbuVXzpJkm7/s200/walk_textmedium.png" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5195138975158226818" border="0" /></a><span style=""><span style=""> </span>Brisk walking is one example of moderate-intensity exercise. If I’m able to do more vigorous physical activity (such as running), I can shorten it to at least 20 minutes on 3 days a week. National studies conducted by the CDC show that at least half of us do not get the minimum recommended amount of exercise and that 25% of us are not active at all in our free time. Ouch!</span></p><span style=""><o:p></o:p></span> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style=""><span style="">Walking tips<o:p></o:p></span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span><span style=";font-family:";font-size:12;" ><!--[if gte vml 1]><v:shapetype id="_x0000_t75" coordsize="21600,21600" spt="75" preferrelative="t" path="m@4@5l@4@11@9@11@9@5xe" filled="f" stroked="f"> <v:stroke joinstyle="miter"> <v:formulas> <v:f eqn="if lineDrawn pixelLineWidth 0"> <v:f eqn="sum @0 1 0"> <v:f eqn="sum 0 0 @1"> <v:f eqn="prod @2 1 2"> <v:f eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelWidth"> <v:f eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelHeight"> <v:f eqn="sum @0 0 1"> <v:f eqn="prod @6 1 2"> <v:f eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelWidth"> <v:f eqn="sum @8 21600 0"> <v:f eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelHeight"> <v:f eqn="sum @10 21600 0"> </v:formulas> <v:path extrusionok="f" gradientshapeok="t" connecttype="rect"> <o:lock ext="edit" aspectratio="t"> </v:shapetype><v:shape id="_x0000_i1025" type="#_x0000_t75" style="'width:138.75pt;"> <v:imagedata src="file:///C:\DOCUME~1\awiley\LOCALS~1\Temp\msohtml1\01\clip_image001.wmz" title="MCj04237940000[1]"> </v:shape><![endif]--><!--[if !vml]--><!--[endif]--></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="">Using a pedometer can help. In one <a style=""><span style="">stud<span style="text-decoration: underline;">y</span></span></a></span><span style=""><span class="MsoCommentReference"><span lang="ES-MX" style="font-size:8;"><a class="msocomanchor" id="_anchor_1" onmouseover="msoCommentShow('_anchor_1','_com_1')" onmouseout="msoCommentHide('_com_1')" href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=7298841399070938208#_msocom_1" language="JavaScript" name="_msoanchor_1"></a></span></span></span><span class="MsoCommentReference"><span lang="ES-MX" style="font-size:8;"><a class="msocomanchor" id="_anchor_2" onmouseover="msoCommentShow('_anchor_2','_com_2')" onmouseout="msoCommentHide('_com_2')" href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=7298841399070938208#_msocom_2" language="JavaScript" name="_msoanchor_2"></a></span></span><span style="">, people who were given information about the benefits of physical activity<u> and </u>pedometers walked more than those only given the information. </span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbFK_qOahYNp1RgyT1CbjyrW_XubyMjDKkT2eN5HSpWOzifp-2PrsItOXLI614P_r1nUb7GfAMMRCRQX44a11XjDkzMYb06xtLy6FLBxfOREsysY1TzKmF6GsjUV3EjISUD7kkVFG0Ns2k/s1600-h/pedometer.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbFK_qOahYNp1RgyT1CbjyrW_XubyMjDKkT2eN5HSpWOzifp-2PrsItOXLI614P_r1nUb7GfAMMRCRQX44a11XjDkzMYb06xtLy6FLBxfOREsysY1TzKmF6GsjUV3EjISUD7kkVFG0Ns2k/s200/pedometer.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5195139945820835730" border="0" /></a><span style="">My pedometer is a little inexpensive one I got free at a health fair. It seems that by clipping it on, I pay more attention to how much I walk throughout the day. It sort of becomes my health conscious… egging me to park a little farther away, take the stairs, and walk instead of drive to get lunch. Sometimes, I find myself personalizing it, competing with it, challenging it (“I KNOW that was more than 53 steps!”). Simple pedometers are widely available, at places like local pharmacies and discount stores for under $5.00. Fancier and pricier ones with many bells and whistles are available in athletic specialty stores and on-line. Many sources recommend between 6,000 and 10,000 steps per day, depending on factors such as whether you are maintaining health, doing other activity, or trying to lose weight.</span><span style=""><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /><span style="">Walking can be more fun when you’re not alone. Studies have shown that we are more likely to stick with a physical activity when we do it with others. Walking time can be therapy time with a good friend. Did I mention, free therapy time? It can be “couple” time to catch up with your honey. It can even be bonding time with children, who can walk and talk while not having to look you in the eye.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="">But I have another confession to make. I prefer to walk with my dogs or alone. While this may seem anti-social, for me it serves as quiet time. I have a lot of conversation du</span><!--[if gte vml 1]><v:shape id="_x0000_s1026" type="#_x0000_t75" style="'position:absolute;margin-left:12.25pt;" wrapcoords="-94 0 -94 21468 21600 21468 21600 0 -94 0" allowoverlap="f"> <v:imagedata src="file:///C:\DOCUME~1\awiley\LOCALS~1\Temp\msohtml1\01\clip_image003.jpg" title="MPj03875580000[1]"> <w:wrap type="tight"> </v:shape><![endif]--><!--[if !vml]--><!--[endif]--><span style="">ring my job, so I </span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwgGhIp6b8A_tkZzDnQandh3thca9eK7jViGcmT6oWoYhP36ZFp3dRBBBLpYzSijNtnZ9CoNcdCKQ9n8hwtDL7vRhhN93GWjydxsvPnN74UFJYIxGdUic5QlnOd1YiJhk8j2ZOL55-pTgm/s1600-h/walking+dog.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwgGhIp6b8A_tkZzDnQandh3thca9eK7jViGcmT6oWoYhP36ZFp3dRBBBLpYzSijNtnZ9CoNcdCKQ9n8hwtDL7vRhhN93GWjydxsvPnN74UFJYIxGdUic5QlnOd1YiJhk8j2ZOL55-pTgm/s200/walking+dog.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5195141547843637154" border="0" /></a><span style="">like to use that ½ hour for quiet. Sometimes I meditate, sometimes I space out, sometimes I plan. Sometimes I have conversations with myself and work out thorny problems. Sometimes I pray. All the while, I sweat and get the benefits that my body and mind desperately need.<span style=""> </span>You might say it’s good for the body and soul.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"></p><br /><p class="MsoNormal"><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="">My local <st1:placetype st="on">County</st1:placetype> <st1:placename st="on">Extension</st1:placename> office in <st1:city st="on"><st1:place st="on">Champaign</st1:place></st1:city> published these other ideas to be safe and have fun while</span><span style=""> walking.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <ul style="margin-top: 0in;" type="disc"><li class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="">Choose a safe place to walk. Do not wear jewelry or headphones while walking and be aware of your surroundings.<o:p></o:p></span></li><li class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="">Wear comfortable shoes and clothing. Shoes should have flexible soles.<o:p></o:p></span></li><li class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="">Wear cool clothes in summer and layer your clothes for winter walks outside. Don’t forget sunscreen.<o:p></o:p></span></li><li class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="">Walk with chin up and shoulders held slightly back.<o:p></o:p></span></li><li class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="">The heel of your foot should touch the ground first as you walk. Walk with your arms swinging at your sides.<o:p></o:p></span></li><li class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="">Slow down during the last five minutes of your walk so you can cool down.<o:p></o:p></span></li><li class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="">If you have not been exercising regularly, begin your walking program slowly. Add a few more minutes to your walk each week. <o:p></o:p></span></li><li class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="">Walk at least 3 times per week but preferably most days of the week.<o:p></o:p></span></li></ul> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="">Additionally, it’s a good idea to do a few stretching exercises before and after a brisk walk.<span style=""> </span>Keeping track of your walks by a simple notation on the calendar may encourage you to stick with the program, as well as chart your progress.<span style=""> </span>And finally, walking and talking (on a cell phone) should be mutually exclusive.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style=""><span style="">Making a change<o:p></o:p></span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="">With the 2008 “Walk to Work Day” just behind me, I am resolved to make fewer excuses and take advantage of my ability to walk to work as well as many other places. It’s a win-win.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <div style=""><!--[if !supportAnnotations]--> <hr class="msocomoff" align="left" width="33%" style="font-size:78%;"> <!--[endif]--> <div style=""><!--[if !supportAnnotations]--> <div id="_com_1" class="msocomtxt" language="JavaScript" onmouseover="msoCommentShow('_anchor_1','_com_1')" onmouseout="msoCommentHide('_com_1')"><!--[endif]--><span style=""><!--[if !supportAnnotations]--><a name="_msocom_1"></a><!--[endif]--></span></div></div><div style=""><div id="_com_2" class="msocomtxt" language="JavaScript" onmouseover="msoCommentShow('_anchor_2','_com_2')" onmouseout="msoCommentHide('_com_2')"><p class="MsoCommentText"><span class="MsoCommentReference"><span lang="ES-MX" style="font-size:8;"><span style=""><br /><!--[endif]--></span></span></span><span lang="ES-MX"><o:p></o:p></span></p> <!--[if !supportAnnotations]--></div> <!--[endif]--></div> </div>Angela Wileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09422725050681954039noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7298841399070938208.post-19326704163051890372008-03-10T08:23:00.000-07:002008-05-22T07:01:36.903-07:00The ScoopEvery so often I’m startled to realize that I’m now the senior member of my family of origin.<span style=""> </span>No more grandparents, parents or older brother.<span style=""> </span>Once the third oldest cousin on my dad’s side, now I’m the oldest.<span style=""> </span>It’s the natural progression of life -- while losing senior family members the younger generations become prolific.<span style=""> </span>That is good. <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbClC1ZjljwVLl-x_VZ6360R1l23G98N2qzxx7bR9K9Gmvopy5wwLhT2WxmNerHmmWWMpRr1d33UGxTGEKhGYdIJZm3TWaXmvdLXZ_x_joFh-ZKNVcjTgM-h9YaSU26J64j3V2CX0t2rVk/s1600-h/Cathy+great+gma.bmp"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbClC1ZjljwVLl-x_VZ6360R1l23G98N2qzxx7bR9K9Gmvopy5wwLhT2WxmNerHmmWWMpRr1d33UGxTGEKhGYdIJZm3TWaXmvdLXZ_x_joFh-ZKNVcjTgM-h9YaSU26J64j3V2CX0t2rVk/s320/Cathy+great+gma.bmp" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5176135344292367682" border="0" /></a></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Memories sustain us and fortunately I’m saturated with so many. <span style=""> </span>I don’t have personal memories of my great-grandparents, on either side of my family.<span style=""> </span>One set lived far away in <st1:place st="on"><st1:state st="on">Colorado</st1:state></st1:place> and died when I was young.<span style=""> </span>The other three sets pre-deceased me. <span style=""> </span>Despite not knowing them I heard stories about them and could recognize pictures of them. A few years ago, following the deaths of my parents, I found some of those pictures in my folks’ attic when I was emptying out their house.<span style=""> </span>Several of those pictures now hang on my walls.</p>Today, like most mornings, I did my time on the stationary bike.<span style=""> </span>The bike’s in the same room where two of my paternal great grandparents’ portraits now hang in their lacquered oval frames.<span style=""> </span>Pedaling away while looking into the eyes of my great grandmother’s portrait day after day does something to me.<span style=""> </span>She’s young in this portrait—probably in her mid to late 30’s.<span style=""> </span>She died young—on Christmas Eve in 1918 from the influenza, during the horrific pandemic. <span style=""> </span><span style=""> </span>While I can’t say that I’ve learned anything new about my great-grandmother these past few years, I can tell you that I’m more connected to her and enjoy my time in her portrait’s presence each morning.<span style=""> </span> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p><br />My story doesn’t end here.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p><br />Downstairs in my kitchen I was baking bread last night.<span style=""> </span>You can’t make cranberry cheese bread without sugar, and as I measured the sugar I was feeling connected to yet another<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioAP34ed1WQkWj5-eDDOvmqGFKxGPgqP0VqQaSqQkPYSN7hQganTNqZDERdswJWHyn9mT_5Kf5EFimefXl-TWm_UkpGxl6WQWoALSVUUobOSlxIDCkS9XXrUVBMzuwPF5v0CjiJ-RZhKE1/s1600-h/scoop.bmp"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioAP34ed1WQkWj5-eDDOvmqGFKxGPgqP0VqQaSqQkPYSN7hQganTNqZDERdswJWHyn9mT_5Kf5EFimefXl-TWm_UkpGxl6WQWoALSVUUobOSlxIDCkS9XXrUVBMzuwPF5v0CjiJ-RZhKE1/s200/scoop.bmp" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5176136491048635746" border="0" /></a> great-grandmother.<span style=""> </span>This one is on my mom’s side.<span style=""> </span>The sugar scoop I use is tin, and black with age.<span style=""> </span>It was first my great-grandmother’s, then my grandmother’s, then my mother’s and now it’s mine.<span style=""> </span>Using the scoop adds an unnecessary step in food prep.<span style=""> </span>For years (when it was in my mom’s sugar canister) I did just fine fetching my sugar.<span style=""> </span>But today, each time I hold that little tin scoop in my hand I feel grateful, grateful for the other hands that held it.<span style=""> </span>It’s my little magic time machine that takes me back to other kitchens, other times.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p><br />“<i style="">One of the greatest honours that we can bestow upon our ancestors is to remember them.</i>”<span style=""> </span>This is a quote I found while preparing this entry for the blog.<span style=""> </span>It was included in a website about the Art of Ancestral Storytelling.<span style=""> </span>It’s said that, <i style="">regret is the cancer of life,</i> and one of my great regrets is that I wasn’t more proactive, diligent or sensitive in gathering my family’s histories and stories.<span style=""> </span>But, rather than dwelling on unanswered questions, or untold stories I can begin to record the ones I do know and remember.<span style=""> </span>Like an amateur archeologist I can weave some stories from my recollections and the wonderful family artifacts (heirlooms?) now integrated into my own home.<span style=""> </span>While it’s highly unlikely I’ll ever have the privilege of knowing my own great-grandchildren I can leave them a gift of their ancestry by recording mine, and those who went before me.<span style=""> </span><span style=""> </span>And you can bet that among my written ramblings will be included a little black tin sugar scoop.<span style=""> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><strong><span style="font-weight: normal;">Since the beginning of time, and throughout history,</span></strong> stories have bound us together through their teachings, their influencing and informing, not to mention their entertainment value.<span style=""> </span>Yet we’ve all but lost "natural" story telling traditions and skills today.<span style=""> </span>Rather we rely on professionals to tell us stories through TV, movies and books. So what can we do to see that our own personal stories get told?<span style=""> </span>We can write things down without worry of “perfection.”<span style=""> </span>Our purpose is not to sell volumes or make a best sellers’ list, but rather to connect one generation to the next and on down the line.<span style=""> </span>We can make albums that include stories and pictures.<span style=""> </span>We can make audio or video recordings of our stories, we can interview other family relatives and include their voices, their stories. <span style=""> </span>We can tell a story that no one else can.<span style=""> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">“Generativity”-- producing new life or offspring.<span style=""> </span>For over a decade Dan P. McAdams, professor of psychology at Northwestern University, and his students have been examining this concept of generativity in the context of the adult’s concern for and commitment to the next generation – through both quantitative surveys and qualitative analyses of life stories.<span style=""> </span>His recent book, <u>The Redemptive Self:<span style=""> </span>Stories American Live By</u> integrates research and images of the life stories of American adults. <span style=""> </span><span class="smallcopy1" style="font-size:100%;">This book won the 2006 William James Award from the American Psychological Association for best general-interest book in psychology, across all subfields.</span><span style="font-size:11;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><br />This entry submitted by guest blogger, Cathy Colbert InmanAngela Wileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09422725050681954039noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7298841399070938208.post-85160729101843018502008-02-05T12:19:00.000-08:002008-02-06T13:11:20.188-08:00The Speed of My Illusions<p class="MsoTitle" style="text-align: left;" align="left"><span style="font-size:11;"><o:p> When my daughter was younger, she was scheduled to take part in a dance recital. That is probably a bit of an overstatement since "dance" to her at that age mostly meant shimmying and shuffling a little while smiling like Shirley Temple. Event title aside, I was rushing from my workplace to pick her up at her childcare so we could be at the second full dress rehearsal on time. I had discovered at the first rehearsal that the recital was as much an event for the mothers as the children. The veteran moms were lined up backstage with an arsenal of beauty supply products for use on their young daughters. There was a very specific list of how they should look, including their hairstyles and even their eye make-up. While I was disturbed vaguely by the prospect of layering purple eye shadow on my 5-year old, I was dutifully going through the list at each red-light along the way. Somewhere between me mercilessly tightening her hair into a prim bun and lining her lips, she peered up at me and said quietly "Mommy, you are going too fast."<br /></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoTitle" style="text-align: left;" align="left"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbXX0780K2zX6j9qKj_VDG10u4pkVB772fM6SfqKgM06jEbhpY4htXawxPFM66WCK9mV_lYx4cl89h0ZsPfHbeS2NlrXO22HSeCzNWzTkWqEZ0H4OT6KtvsovCMt0EGYgr4p7spdNli0vI/s1600-h/balloon.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbXX0780K2zX6j9qKj_VDG10u4pkVB772fM6SfqKgM06jEbhpY4htXawxPFM66WCK9mV_lYx4cl89h0ZsPfHbeS2NlrXO22HSeCzNWzTkWqEZ0H4OT6KtvsovCMt0EGYgr4p7spdNli0vI/s320/balloon.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5163600095754823970" border="0" /></a></p><p class="MsoTitle" style="text-align: left;" align="left"><span style="font-size:11;"><o:p>"Psssssssttttt" (that is the sound that my illusions make when they fizzle out like a popped balloon). She wasn't talking about my driving, folks. And she was right.<br /></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoBodyText3"><!--[if gte vml 1]><v:shapetype id="_x0000_t75" coordsize="21600,21600" spt="75" preferrelative="t" path="m@4@5l@4@11@9@11@9@5xe" filled="f" stroked="f"> <v:stroke joinstyle="miter"> <v:formulas> <v:f eqn="if lineDrawn pixelLineWidth 0"> <v:f eqn="sum @0 1 0"> <v:f eqn="sum 0 0 @1"> <v:f eqn="prod @2 1 2"> <v:f eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelWidth"> <v:f eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelHeight"> <v:f eqn="sum @0 0 1"> <v:f eqn="prod @6 1 2"> <v:f eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelWidth"> <v:f eqn="sum @8 21600 0"> <v:f eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelHeight"> <v:f eqn="sum @10 21600 0"> </v:formulas> <v:path extrusionok="f" gradientshapeok="t" connecttype="rect"> <o:lock ext="edit" aspectratio="t"> </v:shapetype><v:shape id="_x0000_s1026" type="#_x0000_t75" style="'position:absolute;" wrapcoords="4678 263 2339 1668 413 3073 0 3600 0 4039 138 4478 1101 5883 1789 7288 1513 9307 2201 10273 3715 11502 5090 12907 3990 15015 4127 15190 5503 15717 2889 16507 1651 17034 1513 18527 2614 19932 2752 20371 10043 21249 13345 21249 15271 21249 17197 21249 21462 20371 21462 19054 19811 18615 15959 18527 14859 14312 16234 12907 16234 11502 17335 8693 17197 6322 12795 5883 4127 5883 6741 3073 6604 1932 5916 615 5641 263 4678 263"> <v:imagedata src="file:///C:\DOCUME~1\awiley\LOCALS~1\Temp\msohtml1\02\clip_image001.wmz" title="j0232140"> <w:wrap type="tight" anchory="page"> <w:anchorlock/> </v:shape><![endif]--><!--[if !vml]--><!--[endif]--><span style="font-size:11;">Activities can enrich children’s lives and expose them to many opportunities for future success. But too many activities can create stress and exhaustion, spreading children too thin. According to a study from the <st1:place st="on"><st1:placetype st="on">University</st1:placetype> of <st1:placename st="on">Michigan</st1:placename></st1:place>, children as young as 3 have notably less down time than children of the same age twenty years ago. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoBodyText3"><span style="font-size:11;"><o:p> </o:p><br />“Down time” is time when there are no set activities; time is unstructured and reasonably free. Children who don’t have much free time probably don’t have enough time simply to be children. Family time also gets squeezed out as more activities are added to an already full calendar. Many experts believe that family time is the glue that holds family members together.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:11;"><o:p> </o:p></span><br /><b><span style="">How can parents make sure their young children are not overscheduled and protect some family time?<span style=""> </span><o:p></o:p></span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.25in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-size:11;"><o:p> </o:p></span><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style=";font-family:Symbol;font-size:11;" ><span style="">·<span style=""> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-size:11;">Include free time.</span></b><span style="font-size:11;"> The Work and Family Institute recommends that parents make sure their child has down time every day. Children need this to relax. They also need to learn how to play by<span style=""> </span>them-selves so that they don’t always count on others to entertain them.<span style=""> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:11;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.25in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style=";font-family:Symbol;font-size:11;" ><span style="">·<span style=""> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-size:11;">Limit the number of organized activities to two or so per week.</span></b><span style="font-size:11;"> This allows the child to focus and prevents exhaustion.<span style=""> </span>It also makes room for family time and down time.</span></p><br /><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.25in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkdmHgVIYEJmgO5d70QwUU717erL44a9DkkOuuddHqASXW8gP9E97y2Sl-_xW7dZFQW8szmrlDf4k2cxqlH5R5NoT41hCezFtuBnyyG-CGJFH6Tkb1rH8_VT7jEQUPhhF3_4TJlLCHMJ01/s1600-h/planner.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkdmHgVIYEJmgO5d70QwUU717erL44a9DkkOuuddHqASXW8gP9E97y2Sl-_xW7dZFQW8szmrlDf4k2cxqlH5R5NoT41hCezFtuBnyyG-CGJFH6Tkb1rH8_VT7jEQUPhhF3_4TJlLCHMJ01/s320/planner.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5163977284077726034" border="0" /></a></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.25in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><br /><span style="font-size:11;"><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.25in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-size:11;"><o:p> </o:p></span><br /><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style=";font-family:Symbol;font-size:11;" ><span style="">·<span style=""> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-size:11;">Make sure activities are fitted to the child’s age<i>.</i></span></b><span style="font-size:11;"><span style=""> </span>For example, 3-year-old Jenna may love dancing but not be ready for<span style=""> </span>beginning ballet.<span style=""> Little Bobby may like kicking the ball around but he does not need to experience the competition of serious team sports for quite some time.</span><b><o:p></o:p></b></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.25in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><b><span style="font-size:11;"><o:p> </o:p></span></b><br /><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style=";font-family:Symbol;font-size:11;" ><span style="">·<span style=""> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-size:11;">Choose activities of interest to the child.</span></b><span style="font-size:11;"> Sometimes, adults can have their own reasons for wanting their child to be involved in some activity.<span style=""> </span>For example, Jim always wanted to play football so he signed 4-year-old <st1:city st="on"><st1:place st="on">Taylor</st1:place></st1:city> up for “Preschool Pigskins” although the little boy could care less. Choose and build on what your child likes.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.25in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-size:11;"><o:p> </o:p></span><br /><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style=";font-family:Symbol;font-size:11;" ><span style="">·<span style=""> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-size:11;">Find some activities that you can do together.</span></b><span style="font-size:11;"> Research shows that children are better off in many ways when their parents do things with them. Together, take a walk or ride bikes, read a book or bake cookies, plant flowers. If your child likes art, spend time drawing pictures together or find a parent-child art class where you can share in your child’s interest. Children who like dance and music might love a parent-child creative movement group or listening to music and creating funny moves while you do chores together. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:11;"><o:p> </o:p></span><b><span style="">In the long run, children’s best interests are not served by an overly busy schedule that overshadows family and down time.</span></b></p><br /><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiX0OQZeYXvY5HePRDTA9YPXQjuH54N-yA3_VmE4bOVSUlHAIwLo_I8Zx2dtFoh30aYg50wDURcg7akeJOsoHXUGUeq9GyPCoAvNiDnnScrAzoumHLfU7WOzLH0BRja71EKknZkusNXQNyQ/s1600-h/Intentional+Family.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiX0OQZeYXvY5HePRDTA9YPXQjuH54N-yA3_VmE4bOVSUlHAIwLo_I8Zx2dtFoh30aYg50wDURcg7akeJOsoHXUGUeq9GyPCoAvNiDnnScrAzoumHLfU7WOzLH0BRja71EKknZkusNXQNyQ/s320/Intentional+Family.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5163977649149946210" border="0" /></a><br /><b><span style=""> <o:p></o:p></span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:11;"><o:p> </o:p>In his book <i>The Intentional Family</i>, William Dougherty argues that parent leadership can keep families connected and strong. He writes, “An intentional family rows and steers its own boat rather than being moved only by the winds and current.” With this in mind, I have slowed down in the last few years. It benefits my daughter and it benefits me. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:11;"><o:p><br /></o:p></span></p>Angela Wileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09422725050681954039noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7298841399070938208.post-87643216893668014672008-01-23T11:39:00.000-08:002008-01-24T12:17:31.355-08:00Finding Time for UsSometimes my husband Bill's work takes him away from home. This past week, he was on the road where he slept in a hotel Monday through Thursday night. When this happens, if I take my mother’s advice, I’ll squeeze in as many precious “me” moments as I can in his absence. I recall that when my dad was occasionally gone overnight, Mom made no secret that a party was about to unfold. No, not an adolescent “Risky Business” kind of party, but a “we’ll eat cereal for supper and watch episodes of <i style="">I Love Lucy </i>in our nighties” kind of party. She knew how to live it up, my mom. <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p><br />For me, I find it hard to constantly switch gears. The family schedule changes somewhat depending on whether Bill is in the house or on the road. <a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMCEBA8sRJSQiaNIyh0ohfAXGOd14_gETH2v74FDPhoA9_A5DxjHmKPh2_hXD0ffCiIZ4TA42pUR-ud89sWsRUUnWKj_E_eqhjCI1ckVki6Xo3y3TDMQSGwsP8otPM8VVUZD1WILnCESfA/s1600-h/images.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMCEBA8sRJSQiaNIyh0ohfAXGOd14_gETH2v74FDPhoA9_A5DxjHmKPh2_hXD0ffCiIZ4TA42pUR-ud89sWsRUUnWKj_E_eqhjCI1ckVki6Xo3y3TDMQSGwsP8otPM8VVUZD1WILnCESfA/s320/images.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5158759856590792930" border="0" /></a>Like many dual-earners, we have arranged our lives and divided the chores in such as way that we can keep things afloat.<span style=""> </span>I cook, he cleans. I feed the dogs and walk them in the morning, he comes home at lunch. I supervise homework, he makes me tea. When he is here, that is. Maybe the worst part of the traveling is trying to find some private time to stay connected when our time is so limited. I am tempted to meet him at the door with a mop and bucket on Friday evening when he returns to welcome him into the squalor that has exploded in his absence. </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p><br />Whether they travel or not, modern busy couples have to be creative to find some private time to keep their relationship on track. When partners do not take the time to tend to each other, it can lead to poor communication and feelings of emotional distance.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRUBZMlrhjeQjSN_-XmS9sd56NeSvVvKNnxVGWOgOaRU14wl7vz4ZseHge8vBn_RDowafuJIvAyY5P9wyTPBZbOxNoLEg8TzsN6wuIcdRvPv5erWSHXM0tG1tQkxZMZR2MYm26SozDi31k/s1600-h/cellphone.gif"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRUBZMlrhjeQjSN_-XmS9sd56NeSvVvKNnxVGWOgOaRU14wl7vz4ZseHge8vBn_RDowafuJIvAyY5P9wyTPBZbOxNoLEg8TzsN6wuIcdRvPv5erWSHXM0tG1tQkxZMZR2MYm26SozDi31k/s320/cellphone.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5158761750671370498" border="0" /></a><span style=""> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p><br />In her book <i>What’s Happening to Home</i>, author Maggie Jackson says, “Privacy protects us, allowing us to nurture our most intimate relations with others…” Researchers agree that partners need some private time, away from the hustle and bustle, to pay attention to each other. It is important to protect your relationship in a world where parenting, jobs, social duties and electronic gadgets often intrude on the couple’s privacy. While children need and deserve time, attention, and love, it is important to remember that children also benefit when their parents have a strong relationship. </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p><br />Here are some ideas for creating and making the most of private couple time. </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b><o:p> </o:p><br />Set clear boundaries.</b> Boundaries, with limits you both enforce, can help keep all the parts of your life in their proper places.<span style=""> </span>Examples: “Cell phones have to turned off during dinner.” Or “Saturday mornings are always our breakfast date, no matter what.” Or “No checking work email on the weekend.” Make sure your kids know about couple time and respect it, too. You may need to plan during times when they are busy or asleep, especially when they are too young to respect privacy.<span style=""> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p><b>Manage your non-couple time.</b> Productivity has many benefits. If you make the most of your time while you are apart, it is easier to dedicate some free time to your partner, for example, in the evenings or on the weekend.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><b>Share responsibilities.</b></p><p class="MsoNormal"> </p><p class="MsoNormal">There are many responsibilities around the house that can eat into couple time or can cause resentment and prevent couples from making the most of their private time. Make sure that both people agree about what is a fair division of labor.<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTJzJBActYgkx3Bu3rpIp4pfQG7FbTFDebbw1KaqhIOLgtsWR53_UiIbrwD6vXG4rgQHJexQsN7N8v9qutx1N4XhcIMddfOfg_p5Rdy-wYKdDLMYMNvpczpwgWOIMtMduP4Ak0PJKcHzQj/s1600-h/IH3.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 250px; height: 227px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTJzJBActYgkx3Bu3rpIp4pfQG7FbTFDebbw1KaqhIOLgtsWR53_UiIbrwD6vXG4rgQHJexQsN7N8v9qutx1N4XhcIMddfOfg_p5Rdy-wYKdDLMYMNvpczpwgWOIMtMduP4Ak0PJKcHzQj/s320/IH3.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5158762141513394450" border="0" /></a></p> <p class="MsoNormal">When both partners contribute to the many jobs that keep a household running such as cooking, cleaning, errands and shopping, everything is done sooner and there can be more couple time. Couples who agree on how to share the load report being happier than those who don’t.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><br /><b>Candles and tablecloths are optional. </b>Private time does not have to be expensive or even out of the house. It can be a coffee date at the start of the morning or an ice cream cone on the porch after everyone else is in bed. It is the one-on-one time that matters. It doesn’t have to be long either.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b><o:p> </o:p><br />Quality private time. </b><span style=""> </span>Use your precious time well. Share with each other. This includes being open about your day and your feelings. While this does not mean you have to spill your guts about every little thing, it bonds couples to share regularly, especially any concerns. Remind your partner of your commitment to him or her, either in words or in actions. This is never old news!</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p>After the next trip, on Friday evening I will meet Bill at the door with a nice cup of tea. I am going to suggest a long walk with the dogs so I can hear the details of his week and tell him about mine. (Between now and then, in honor of Mom, I’ll watch a few episodes of <i style="">I Love Lucy</i> in my jammies while munching my way through a bowl of Cheerios…).</p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p>Angela Wileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09422725050681954039noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7298841399070938208.post-32742632571183577002007-12-20T09:12:00.001-08:002007-12-20T16:56:14.875-08:00When the holidays are not so bright<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTqNz5nfMJ8KB3claI18H8Sze2QOsZzEKKPkkKmJChT31h2XgfBRMfeN4qBBIXW9pClK6Gkq7cPKD___hE1FBJmY0WEglcaiAxFP7pZz7xSmfn8fSoGb_7DMkSqaroSjBVeX_q1u8RRq4O/s1600-h/j0384880.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTqNz5nfMJ8KB3claI18H8Sze2QOsZzEKKPkkKmJChT31h2XgfBRMfeN4qBBIXW9pClK6Gkq7cPKD___hE1FBJmY0WEglcaiAxFP7pZz7xSmfn8fSoGb_7DMkSqaroSjBVeX_q1u8RRq4O/s320/j0384880.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5146155202046087250" border="0" /></a><br /><br />It is easy to think that everybody is deliriously happy during the time between Thanksgiving and the New Year. After all, there is plenty of cheery holiday music blaring at every turn. People are bustling about buying gifts and making cookies. Many are talking about plans with family members and friends. There seems to be a sheen of glittery anticipation on everything and everyone.<br /><p class="MsoNormal"><br />Except that for many of us, the holidays are a time of sadness, loneliness, and pain. The National Institute of Mental Heath reports that depression is a reality in the lives of 20 million Americans each year. The Institute gives the following red flags which may indicate depression: <o:p></o:p></p> <ul type="disc"><li class="MsoNormal" style="">Persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" mood <o:p></o:p></li><li class="MsoNormal" style="">Feelings of hopelessness, pessimism <o:p></o:p></li><li class="MsoNormal" style="">Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, helplessness <o:p></o:p></li><li class="MsoNormal" style="">Loss of interest or pleasure in hobbies and activities that were once enjoyed<o:p></o:p></li><li class="MsoNormal" style="">Increasing irritability, impatience, and/or short-temper<o:p></o:p></li></ul> <p class="MsoNormal">Depression is a serious problem that can be helped. Healthcare providers can be a first step in finding much-needed relief. For more information, check out the link to the NIMH to the right.<br /></p><div style="text-align: left;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBD4pZvU1YmAgMUWMnPOw5KOxjPCAypU3B0gRwoE8Ofp33dDoOwdK2fC0nPJazZmY-0L8Mo-qt80P_GuyZSDZq4l2JjTF780LV2W72y-BDYQboqeE628GpZt_uF8V7kKyefx7Cf2BO2six/s1600-h/j0178811.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBD4pZvU1YmAgMUWMnPOw5KOxjPCAypU3B0gRwoE8Ofp33dDoOwdK2fC0nPJazZmY-0L8Mo-qt80P_GuyZSDZq4l2JjTF780LV2W72y-BDYQboqeE628GpZt_uF8V7kKyefx7Cf2BO2six/s320/j0178811.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5146155408204517474" border="0" /></a>Some folks do not suffer from long-term depression but find that seasonal blues are common. Sometimes this can be SAD (seasonal affective disorder) which commonly is related to the increasing darkness of the winter months. Experts have an impressive toolbox of options for treating SAD, including light therapy, altering eating patterns, and even medicines. But my favorite is visiting a warm sunny beach during the winter months. Okay, so they don't specify a beach but it sounds good to me.<br /></div><p class="MsoNormal"><br />Others may find that the holidays themselves seem particularly difficult, perhaps related to the feeling that "everyone but me is deliriously happy at this time of year." Thus, I return to where I started. Mental Health <st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">America</st1:place></st1:country-region> discusses the following reasons for what they call Holiday Depression and Stress. (See the link at the right.)<o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">stress, fatigue, unrealistic expectations, over-commercialization, financial constraints, the inability to be with one’s family and friends, and [t]he demands of shopping, parties, family reunions and house guests.<o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">As if those weren't enough, many of us experience a let down after the holiday celebrations.<br /><br />Some people are more prone to the holiday blues and blahs, including those who have experienced major life transitions recently (like relationship break-ups or divorce or other losses, geographic separation from loved ones, or changes in work or family situation).<br /><br />So what can we do? Some researchers, including Ulrich Schimmack from the <st1:place st="on"><st1:placetype st="on">University</st1:placetype> of <st1:placename st="on">Toronto</st1:placename></st1:place>, argue that we each have a stable "set point" of happiness... that most of us will have some ups and downs but will return to that set point eventually. This would be good if I am a generally happy person with a pretty high happiness point but dismal news if I am a natural Scrooge. This set point is not set in stone, however, as Ed Deiner at the University of Illinois and his colleagues note that certain critical life events can alter our tendency ( for example, losing a loved one or a job). Other experts such as Sonja Lyubomirsky (<st1:place st="on"><st1:placetype st="on">University</st1:placetype> of <st1:placename st="on">California</st1:placename></st1:place>) have evidence that people can positively influence their own levels of happiness by purposefully focusing on the good things in their lives, helping others, and simply expressing gratitude.<br /><br />Here are a few concrete steps to help control holiday depression.<br /></p><ul><li>Reach out by formally volunteering or informally giving of your time, energy, or resources to others. When people give, they truly receive benefits to their own wellbeing.</li><li>Don't focus on the past but envision a happy future. Ruminating (going over and over the same thoughts) has been linked to depression. Find a way to interrupt yourself when you start reliving regrets- get busy with something constructive.</li><li>Don't attempt to excessively numb yourself with alcohol, other substances, eating, or over-busyness. Find a way to allow some sad or other negative feelings to come out (for example, talk to someone about them). Don't ignore but acknowledge them and then move on.</li></ul> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p><br />As for me, I’m working on an argument to myself that holiday sanity requires heading to the beach to soak up some happiness along with some vitamin D… </p><p style="text-align: left;" class="MsoNormal"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7qL4gezfznZtAvFepL6S7h_N7hUhSox9ARXNj8FoWZHf_kM94c3-NnyDd2yo4PcfGWAGeCNLQQchFJVaGB7A5tpbsOp_1smMWhKk4mIP0VQ5zCvhHyy-kwi3OAoA9AID7RPm91K09gJor/s1600-h/MPj04231280000%5B1%5D.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7qL4gezfznZtAvFepL6S7h_N7hUhSox9ARXNj8FoWZHf_kM94c3-NnyDd2yo4PcfGWAGeCNLQQchFJVaGB7A5tpbsOp_1smMWhKk4mIP0VQ5zCvhHyy-kwi3OAoA9AID7RPm91K09gJor/s320/MPj04231280000%5B1%5D.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5146153372390019138" border="0" /></a></p>Angela Wileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09422725050681954039noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7298841399070938208.post-56498294646968253722007-12-12T04:22:00.000-08:002007-12-12T07:41:46.264-08:00The power of steamNot all that glitters is gold, right? That was one of my grandmother's little nuggets of wisdom... she was famous for those, I have to say. Or maybe it was infamous. The fact that I remember it is probably a testimony to her genius or at least to her power of repetition.<br /><br />I invested in some of those new microwavable steaming bags. It IS an investment... they are a little pricey. It was one of decisions I make occasionally in an effort to make the evening meal less traumatic at my house. Researcher Reed Larson's work has demonstrated that the emotional pit of most women's day is the time surrounding the evening meal. (I suspect he may have peered into my soul.) So, I had high hopes that the bags might provide a glimmer of hope.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOidx0V0CNN6RiSM57zrPp2LsFIZhnnFsdzWFaYWziiLbOnhE38bOPY-4zIZ75LVslmlT2cNWeRj1F10d4qTIXfGHvdgVZMkbu4Vf_Cxpq2c1DKpoXQnZewhk4UnBKtxnvfN2HmQkhH_Ff/s1600-h/ziploc+steam+bags.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOidx0V0CNN6RiSM57zrPp2LsFIZhnnFsdzWFaYWziiLbOnhE38bOPY-4zIZ75LVslmlT2cNWeRj1F10d4qTIXfGHvdgVZMkbu4Vf_Cxpq2c1DKpoXQnZewhk4UnBKtxnvfN2HmQkhH_Ff/s320/ziploc+steam+bags.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5143063496965588546" border="0" /></a><br />My expectations were high, but we give them a thumbs up. We cooked our fresh broccoli in about 3 1/2 minutes, added seasonings to the bag, poured out the crucifers, and tossed the bag. You can also cook frozen vegetables in these miracle bags. On the downsides, the bags are a little small (we eat a lot of veggies). and we had to lower the suggested cooking time (otherwise, soggy broccoli would have resulted).<br /><br />At the end of the meal, we all agreed that the bags are a worthwhile investment at least on those days when we are hurried. It is on those days when we might normally be tempted to forget any vegetable matter at our table. Hopefully, this tool will help reduce that mealtime stress at our house.Angela Wileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09422725050681954039noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7298841399070938208.post-56926887742655632372007-12-10T05:12:00.001-08:002007-12-12T11:59:48.167-08:00My (not so) perfect little life<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh32V1Q0V8SJoLKXwEQuRYHtE24cFsB6aKy4VUdeWaU71s1ghXxUZ1_gD03bLzDjoHACXJCqfhcVPYWuiB-uogF77MtIdelHNF7ondUnEuI3rBTJ661kZg_UcSIfTTVi-0jELufDJWFxVam/s1600-h/fig+3.04.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh32V1Q0V8SJoLKXwEQuRYHtE24cFsB6aKy4VUdeWaU71s1ghXxUZ1_gD03bLzDjoHACXJCqfhcVPYWuiB-uogF77MtIdelHNF7ondUnEuI3rBTJ661kZg_UcSIfTTVi-0jELufDJWFxVam/s320/fig+3.04.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5142824366071449138" border="0" /></a><br /><p class="MsoNormal">In spite of my best intentions, I had to stop myself in the middle of a flurry of activities this weekend. Multi-tasking at its worst, I'm afraid. I was filling out holiday cards, absent-mindedly petting the cat with my foot, talking to my mother on my cell phone, and keeping one eye on a lasagna in the oven. All at the same time. Meanwhile, I am certain that Mom knew my mind was in a million places because she kept repeating herself. Finally, she asked me to call later when I was not so busy.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">And when will that be, I wondered, as I begin to beat myself up for my various failures, from being a bad cat-owner, to a sad excuse for a daughter, to probably a wretched cook, and so on.<br /><br />This state of affairs is not intentional. I do not plan on spreading myself so thin that, even in my own estimation, I am unable to do anything well. It seems to be my personal default, though... what happens when I am not vigilant. It seems to get worse when I plan too many things in a block of time, set very high standards for myself, then heap on self-criticism when things don't go as I planned. Am I alone here?<br /><br />Apparently not. Professionals, such as Dr. Kenneth Rice at the <st1:place st="on"><st1:placetype st="on">University</st1:placetype> of <st1:placename st="on">Florida</st1:placename></st1:place>, tell us that perfectionism is common and very difficult to change. And, importantly, it is linked to depression when it travels with high levels of self-criticism. Perfectionism can be thought of as a tendency to set a high bar for success and then view efforts that do not measure up to that as unacceptable. The real problem happens when we blame ourselves (or others) each time something does meet our perfect expectations. Ouch.<br /><br />If perfectionism is a pretty stable part of my personality, what can I change? To start, I can stop planning far too many things into a small block of time. In other words, one way I can stop setting myself up for constant failure in my own eyes by allowing myself to focus on fewer things at one time. Of course, it'd counter-productive to do fewer things but then hold myself accountable for perfection even in those, so maybe I should also wish for a big lump of realistic standards in my Christmas stocking.</p>Angela Wileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09422725050681954039noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7298841399070938208.post-34281801782613649702007-11-29T10:08:00.000-08:002007-12-09T06:55:34.616-08:00Holiday Harmony?<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7vvKvdIUYFHssx2J8MBUj6-QnN7sA4PnpJmPhD2zIT8ki0lfcrpfNeweIc4fPXwwyu4PsHP-NsuLnwWCbXFwALigzqJXiKetOa6fOA7SK7u1gQVF0PY1xvwi79qtdprsa1jgvbjlf2HGy/s1600-h/XMAS2003.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7vvKvdIUYFHssx2J8MBUj6-QnN7sA4PnpJmPhD2zIT8ki0lfcrpfNeweIc4fPXwwyu4PsHP-NsuLnwWCbXFwALigzqJXiKetOa6fOA7SK7u1gQVF0PY1xvwi79qtdprsa1jgvbjlf2HGy/s320/XMAS2003.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5138326413287605154" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 102, 0);font-family:georgia;" >Holiday Harmony: Just a Dream of Sugar Plums, Dancing in My Head?</span><br /><br />Crackling fires. Mouth-watering smells. Warm hugs. Beautiful decorations. Sounds like the holidays, doesn't it?<br /><br />It may be less warm and fuzzy, but many of us also experience another reality around the holidays. Pressure. Expenses. Time-crunches. Over-eating.<br /><br />Effective stress management is a gift we can all give ourselves at this busy time of year. Sure, it doesn't come free, but it is one gift that will not disappoint. Where to begin...?<br /><br />Take a deep breathe and find a few quiet minutes to invest in a little planning. What are your most basic goals for the holiday season? These should be realistic- this means that the "picture-perfect holiday," like we see in magazines, is a myth that adds to the pressure and stress we experience. Take a minute to figure out what would make the holiday season meaningful for you. Then prioritize those things, getting to others if time and energy allow. Here are a few of my goals and my plan for prioritizing them.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">I want to spend some extra quality time with those I love. </span>We plan to have one evening during the week and all day Sunday for "family time." This is the plan throughout the year, but we find ourselves slipping away from it, especially when there are so many demands this time of year. We have made a short list of things we want to do (send cards, bake cookies, sing carols, watch our favorite seasonal movie) and will focus on one each Sunday during the six or so weeks surrounding the winter holidays. We will not allow ourselves to cram in 5-6 activities each day, but will stick to our plan as closely as possible.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">I want to volunteer some time helping those in need with my young daughter. </span>We will donate a couple of hours one Saturday afternoon in December to sorting clothing and donated items at a local shelter. Of course, it is only a small offering, but in a season of taking, it will help my daughter focus on this example of giving to others that we will repeat occasionally throughout the coming year.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">I want to de-emphasize the materialism of the holidays and focus on the true spirit of the season. </span>We have agreed, including our children, to ban "gift wish lists" this season. We still plan to give each other gifts, but these will stem from the caring and thoughtfulness of the giver and not the unfettered greed of the receiver. This sounds harsh, I know. Each of us must figure out a strategy for reaching our own goals, but we want to experiment with a different model than the one that has left us rather empty in the past.<br /><br />Your list likely will be different and your strategies may be quite different, too. But this two-part process can set the stage for holiday harmony.<br /><br /><ul><li>Plan a few realistic goals that fit your needs and situation</li><li>Strategize about specific steps to prioritize and reach those goals.</li></ul><br />Enjoy the holidays and above all else, may you and yours be well.<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 102, 0); font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;font-family:georgia;" >~Angela</span>Angela Wileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09422725050681954039noreply@blogger.com0